u/Exact_Can_8876

basically Im 17 and I suffer from ocd meaning self hate physical and mental torture and my ocd making me do things I don’t like like hurting myself and watching inappropriate things my doctors and family say it’s okay and I haven’t done anything bad but my ocd tells me to kill myself even though I want to live because it makes it look like people will hate me because of me being genuinely pathetic and from what my ocd has put me through so please I need help someone please tell me I deserve to keep living and that I’m good and I’m just a kid I just want to live

basically I suffer from depression that is caused by ocd which isnt like the sterotypical oh I gotta clean and more a voice that is constantly telling me to end my life and hurt me both mentally and physically apart from the general your a horrible person your parents don’t deserve the pain you cause by existing and you don’t deserve to live or have friends or a family basically it is a tumor who only wants me to die and for me to do it I don’t want to talk about the attempts that it tried but I refused but yeah and besides that it makes me do things I hate like watching innappropriate stuff and putting bad memories in my head and messing with my dreams I feel so guilty I self harm by punching my arms as hard as I can to make up for my existence I’ve tried meds and therapy but nothing works I’m scared someone will find everything my ocd put me through and tell people what it does is who I am when I’m nothing like it my therapist says ocd is the inverse or you so everything good about me is the reverse for it and everything I do like it uses and corrupts it so I’m asking please help me I’m just a kid and I don’t know what to do