How do I stop going hyperfeminine as a coping mechanism?
Whenever something happens that threatens trans people or when something discourages me from transitioning I tend to go back into the closet (dress super feminine, stop binding and wear makeup and wigs). That confused me a lot for a while and I thought I'm gender fluid or non-binary but it only ever happened when I felt unsafe as a trans person for example when political changes happen that make it harder to be trans or when someone tries to convince me to stop my transition or pause it.
Now, today I heard about Donald trump announcing that leftists and people who support "extreme trans ideologies" will be killed. And about changes in my own country that will possibly mean that HRT will no longer be covered by insurance.
The problem is, I spent most of my openly trans time at a school where pretty much everyone is transphobic. so I was always left out, no one liked me, no one wanted to be around me so I don't really care what those people think of me because they don't agree with what I am anyway. But now I'm at a school where my classmates are actually great about it. There is only like a handful of students who don't support trans people and we're about to graduate and I just know that if the last they remember me as is presenting myself as feminine I'm gonna regret it because I don't want them to think of me as a woman. I was really happy and confident with my masculinity ever since I started testosterone and I never regretted it but now I'm getting this really strong feeling that I shouldn't be a guy and I know that that feeling will pass and then it's just because I'm scared right now because it's always been like that but not going after that urge is really difficult. If someone else has made that experience (and trans women too with masculinity) I'd like to know what you're doing to fight that because I know from experience that I'm not detrans I'm just telling myself that I'm not actually trans because it would make my life easier.