u/EvilOwl03

As a top I’m actually pretty easygoing on first dates, but there’s certain things that instantly decide whether I could take a guy seriously or if it stays as hookup vibes only.

If you’re more than 10 minutes late and don’t even let me know, I’m leaving. I completely understand things happen, but basic communication matters to me.

With food or drinks, I honestly do not mind paying and I’ve done it plenty of times when I really liked the guy or the date was going well. But if someone just expects me to pay because I’m the top, it immediately puts me off. Either I offer to pay or we split it fairly, but don’t just sit there assuming.

If the energy feels off or one sided, I don’t force it, I’d rather just leave it as a respectful hookup situation and move on. I also like someone who can actually hold a conversation and show interest back, not just sit there expecting to be entertained.

Cinema dates are fun when you actually know someone, so I’ll leave them for maybe third or fourth date stage. If the dynamic is really strong and it’s genuinely suggested like “should we see this”, then maybe, but I’m not doing cinema on a first date.

I don’t mind going back to mine after, but don’t assume it’s part of the package. Not paying, not offering, and expecting that I’m going to top you just because of that doesn’t really sit right with me.

Any guys got any first date rules like this or is it just me being super weird?

I zoned out while driving listening to music and completely forgot he was even in the car with me for a minute. Then I noticed his leg move, looked over, and realised he’d fully fallen asleep next to me.

I just assumed he’d gone quiet because he was chilling and listening to the music. I’m not someone who forces conversation in the car anyway, so I didn’t think much of it. What made it funny was how shy and slow burner he was at first, and now he’s comfortable enough to just pass out while I drive him around.

I even took the longer way so he could sleep a bit longer. He only woke up when we were nearly there and was clearly trying to work out if I noticed. We laugh about it now because anytime he acts like he wasn’t that into me at first, I remind him he slept peacefully next to me in the passenger seat.

What’s a cute moment that caught you completely off guard?

During the trip I could tell he was anxious in the hotel since he’d never stayed over or shared a bed with a guy before. He came across confident but was actually pretty reserved, so I kept things easy and made sure he was comfortable. It was a few nights and he went from never staying with anyone to saying he wants to do it more with me.

It took him a bit to open up. At first he was quiet and observant, then a few dates in his dry, witty humour came out and the chemistry picked up. He’s quite teasing in a subtle way and likes to wind me up, which worked well because I’m similar but more laid back with it.

On the trip I didn’t rush anything and just let him settle. First night was slower and I let him do things his way so I could figure him out. By the second night he was a lot more into it and wanted it way more, and once I understood what worked for him everything just clicked.

We had a good mix of going out, chilling and just enjoying being around each other, and I could tell he felt more comfortable even just switching off and sleeping properly.

Since then he’s stayed over a few times. He still likes his own space as he lives at home, but also likes staying with me. I don’t mind it, if anything it makes it better knowing when he wants to stay he actually means it.

I ended up becoming close with a guy I introduced into my friend circle, and he spent a lot of time around me and my best friend since we live together. It turned into a very casual, no-strings dynamic where he was basically part of the group for a while and things were very open and relaxed between us.

The nights he stayed over were honestly a bit wild at times, but it wasn’t constant, we had breaks and gaps in between and it was all pretty on and off rather than nonstop.

He’s very flirty, selective, and not relationship focused, and once he settled in he was really confident with banter and fitting into the dynamic between us. It was never anything official, just a laid back situationship that developed naturally while he was around a lot.

It’s toned down now, but it made me realise how quickly someone can “catch up” in a new circle when everything’s casual and no one is taking it too seriously. I’m 22, he’s 22, and my friend is 23.

Anyone else had a situation where someone got integrated into a friend group like that and things just evolved fast?