Struggling with the idea of moving away from my parents for marriage/relationship
To preface, the thought of moving away from my parents is incomprehensible to me. Every time I imagine a future where I regret not maximizing the amount of time I get to spend with them, I completely break down crying.
I’m 23F and graduated from an out-of-state college last summer. Since graduating, I’ve been living back home with my parents. In high school, I was so excited by the idea of independence and living somewhere new/far away, but honestly I feel like I’ve regressed emotionally since then.
Every time I had to go back to my college town after long summer breaks, I would cry for days. Even during the school year if I randomly thought of our distance, I’d break down crying. One summer I had to stay on campus for a class, and I flew home every chance I got just to be with my family. I know this probably sounds unhealthy, and maybe it is, but I don’t know how to “fix” it because the feelings feel so incredibly intense.
I think part of this comes from realizing my parents are getting older. My older brother lives in another state, and my dad recently said something that really numerically put things into perspective. He said that if he lives another 20 years and only sees my brother 4 times a year, that’s only about 80 more times they’ll ever see each other. I really can’t wrap that number around my head.
At the same time, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and I truly see him as my life partner. We’ve done medium-distance long distance our entire relationship (about a 1–2 hour flight apart), and it’s worked really well. Naturally, conversations about marriage and closing the distance are starting to come up.
We agreed we’d both try living in each other’s cities before making any permanent decisions, but deep down I really hope he ends up liking my hometown enough for us to settle here because I honestly cannot imagine living states away from my parents. At the same time, I also can’t imagine a future without him.
I just feel incredibly stuck and conflicted. I know relationships require sacrifice and compromise, and I worry I sound immature or overly attached, but I genuinely utterly feel confused and lost.
Has anyone else felt this way in their 20s? Did it get easier? How do you balance building your own life while also dealing with the fear of losing time with your parents?
TL;DR: I’m 23F and deeply attached to my parents to the point where the idea of living far away from them makes me break down crying, especially as I notice them aging. At the same time, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years and see marriage/a future with him, which will likely require closing long distance. I feel torn between building a life with my partner and staying close to my parents, and I’m wondering if anyone else has dealt with this level of fear/guilt around moving away from family.