Hey guys, I’ve watched you through everything I’ve been going through, wether you he’ll wake me up or put me to sleep I’ve always listened appreciate you, I don’t even know how to write this but I’m so truly broken inside and feel so mentally fucked up like I’ve almost lost chunks of my life. I have two kids both girls to two different guys. Both girls one being 11 other is 7, there my world. My current partner is the youngests father.
Also just so you know, I haven’t been working for the last 3 years I’ve had serious chronic illness affecting my mental and physical health.
Now you understand that dynamic i also never really did drugs not very sexual and I feel like it’s become more and more apart of the lifestyle only really weed but it’s all the time. I think for me it’s a coping mechanism and I’ve lost myself. I’m a mess. I’m 100% capable of looking after my kids.
But my system is in fight or fight from the moment I wake up. Oh and I vape to and I want to stop. My partner the vapes smokes weed is prescribed crazy adhd meds that make him soo sexual he won’t stop groping me and I’m autistic and I’ve always been funny with my body he just keeps pushing it and pushing it and I feel like j can’t say no, but if I wanted to do yoga at home he would always ruin it. Or say sexual stuff in front of the kids. It makes me feel so uncomfortable.
And he’s so moody and angry when he gets the vibe I’m not into it. I want to leave I just have now got chronic autoimmune disease and it’s causing chronic pain so working has been hard. Benefits help but the way our economy is in Australia I can’t afford to leave the house we are in I’ll have to move in with my sister.
And then also I don’t have a car for the times I need to take my kids places so try and work. I just don’t know what to do or where to start. Any advice welcome. I hope this reads well not great with saying stuff like this. Oh also I have told him a couple times I don’t want to do his tax of office work once I start getting better I want to study be able to finally make any type of friend or get a job, but he acts like me not wanting to be in his business and invest everything into that is me not caring about our kids future.
When he sits at home for two weeks straight doing nothing but creating more little projects to do. Then complains about his tax bills and debts. He just thinks I should be the one that does it and j have no idea. I don’t want the stress when stress literally makes me sicker and he doesn’t understand that. Help I feel like this is killing me. :(