Crushing while Asexual and Aromantic
This is so weird. I recently realized that these terms did in fact apply to me. Which is tough because as a Christian and someone who loves kids, I want a family and to get married. But I don't want any of the sexual and romantic things that usually come with relationships because I feel no desire for them. It's like, what's the point--and, why do people want these things? It's a mix of boredom, distaste, and nausea that only comes with true and utter confusion. So preferably, most technically, I'd feel the most free being alone forever. The most paradoxical part is that I have this huge crush on this guy. I think about him as anyone else would with their crush, but I genuinely would never want anything like what I imagine to happen. I guess he's like a muse for trying to see what it would be like if things I see in romance dramas were to happen to me lmao. I think I really want to be his friend, and I have an aesthetic admiration for him, as well as for his values and skills. To me, I want to know him forever, but I have no real reason to interact with him in that way if I'm trying to see how normal people would perceive, in this case at least, the opposite sex wanting to be with them. I'm a very head-over-heels type of person, and I don't really see the point of this crush without at least imagining a future with said person. But i feel like, as cringe as it is, everyone goes that far, especially when we're young and copying adults in many ways.
I'm yapping. Lowkey, I just want to understand if it's weird for me to have a crush like this that ig is romantic in nature, but not in depth or intention...and it goes into existentialism because it feels so cruel to feel so deeply about someone else, but not have the equipment (whether emotionally, mentally, or biologically) to truly feel and understand romantic and sexual, or intimate, desire. Like, what's even the point?