MiL expects too much of our time.
Myself (36) and my husband (38) live overseas to our families. Yet, my MIL expects us at every family function and gets verbally really upset at us for declining.
This is an example of past 5 months alone:
Fly to hers for Xmas in ireland. We were told all Christmas are in hers. I've tried explaining I also have family and friends to see. And a new husband to build traditions with.
Then in February she arrived over unannounced with FIL and BIL and stayed in ours for 2.5 weeks. We were living there 4 weeks at that point, no furniture yet. And she told me off whole time for not having place ready for her.
Then also in February it was dad's 70th and they wanted us on a family skiing trip to Austria. My husband went. I didn't. But the MIL told me off relentlessly for not prioritising family.
April. They wanted us at a family function in Berlin.
April again, we were expected at a cousins wedding in ireland.
May. They came back to visit us in ours.
June. We're expected back in Ireland for sister's 30th. I start a new job that week so can't go. I told them this and this reason wasn't accepted. And this is current row.
I was home visiting my family in January (MIL lives in same town). My dad is late 80s and unwell and can't travel to me. And MIL told me off for not spending more time with her on the 3 days i was home. I had spent an entire evening with her, spent rest with my dad. And also seeing my close friends and best friend, who are really important to me.
I'm getting increasingly frustrated and feel really disrespected. I feel like my time or needs don't matter. And i also feel any events I do go to and things i do show up to are ignored in favour for everything we've missed.
I've tried relentlessly to have this discussion about boundaries with my husband. He says he understands, tells me MIL is unreasonable but that's how she is and then discussion stops there. He doesn't understand, or isn't willing to understand, how much of an impact this is having on me and our marriage. We're discussing starting a family and I've brought up all of this behaviour and he thinks I'm overreacting and it is all fine. I tried bringing up potential of future kids and boundaries but he doesn't think all of this will be an issue, while I'm really worried.
If interested, this is other pushy things she's done:
She gifted me a GIANT photo frame of my Husbands head as a house warming gift. Just his head, I'm not in it. And she walked it around the house trying to figure out where to put it (i wanted to say 'in the bin'). We since haven't put it up and she's been very vocal about how upset she is by this and told us we're been really selfish.
She added me to an extended family WhatsApp group that has 60 relatives in it. I asked her not to because they're strangers and i am a very private person. She keeps telling me off for not messaging in daily and no matter what news we have as a couple or photos we have, she sends them into the chat. I've asked her not to but she won't listen. I am deeply uncomfortable.
When i first moved to a new country with my husband (then boyfriend of 3 months), the sister moved in with us for two months. It's was a 40 metre squared 1 bedroom. My husband and sister had the two keys and i didn't have any. And sister took over. Used everything i owned. And mum was paying her money for rent and bills but sister took it for herself and gave nothing to us. She left because i was newly in relationship, wasn't that attached and said fuck this, I'm off. So husband panicked and got her out. And we worked on things.
There's 4 siblings. 3 of them (not my husband) argues constant about who they favourite is???!!! They're 28, 30, 39 and 41?!! Wtf. Last trip over the sisters (28 and 30) and mother put an insane amount of pressure on husband to set up an independent chat to contact and ring mother every. Single. Day. And told him off for not being in touch every day. He said no. And it started another discussion of how we're terrible. He's almost 40 and married....
Really the list is endless. But I'll leave it there.
Thanks for reading!