Hello! for context I 25 f was raped at 16 by a boy I went to school with, I kept it to myself and eventually gaslit myself into believing maybe it was a misunderstanding however having done alot of therapy and explained it I have been advised I have PTSD from the experience.
At 20 I told my parents after my assaulter (we'll call him C) was the delivery driver for a takeaway whilst I was at my parents for the weekend. After that I decided I needed to approach it head on and messaged C for closure to ask wether he recalled what happened, he admitted what he did and apologised.
I never pressed charges but now had evidence.
I told one of our mutual friends (J) and they told me it was between me and my assaulter and he "didnt want to get involved", J remained friends with him.
I let a few other friends know back when it happened and they cut C off but there were a few of our mutual friends I didnt feel comfortable sharing it with at the time so never told.
Tonight I went to a beer festival and saw C there with some friends from school from a distance and I was shaking uncontrollably. I thought they had left but then I bumped into some other guys from my secondary school and they let me know C was there and asked if I wanted to see him, I let the guy (R) know that actually I really didnt want to see C as C had raped me when we were in school. He was really understanding and asked if I wanted him to go and talk to C about it.
AITAH for burdening R with that information about his friend after 9 years? Was it unfair to J to let R know what J had said those years ago?
AITAH for sharing that information that could cost C friendships after he apologised?
I know him apologising to me will never undo the trauma I experience but I do believe the apology came from a genuine remorse.
How do I move past this? Its been hours and I cant control my body temp, I feel sick, shaky and faint. Im so mad that he gets to just live his life unaffected whilst I carry this with me every day. Part of me wants to tear his life down by letting his friends and family know, I have dreamt of telling his job but wouldnt take it that far. Part of me feels guilty about wanting to tear his life down. The other part of me wants to watch it burn.