AIO about a convo with my bf regarding Mother’s Day(his mom passed 6 years ago)
I called my bf today around 11 am to ask him what time he would be home so I could bring by the food I was cooking. I had asked him yesterday if he liked lasagna and told him that I would bring some by today. I also had plans of bringing flowers as it was Mother’s Day and his mom passed six years ago. Yesterday was also my cousin’s graduation so I was calling after a long night of celebrating with her and finally recovering + after calling my own mom and sisters (who are mothers) as well.
So I call him around 11ish, on my way to get my grocery order, and I can tell something is off. He says he doesn’t need me to bring dinner and he has plans for his friends to stop by when I ask him when he will be home for me to do so. I say okay and hang up. I then text him 10ish minutes later explaining that I’d appreciate it if he communicated when plans change as I had told him the day before that I would be stopping by. As upset as I was, I tried to be neutral and not place blame as I understood it was a tough day and maybe he just had too much on his mind.
He tells me I can still stop by. However, ten minutes or so later he sends another text saying that he’s basically upset I never told him I made it home the night before from my cousin’s party + how it’s Mother’s Day and everyone else called to check on him except me so he’d rather be around good vibes. I replied out of emotion unfortunately, explaining everything that had been going on but he still didn’t care for my response and just liked my message.
I’m very hurt as I really initially planned to be there for him and was doing my best to still do so after a crazy night before, but obviously I didn’t handle today how he wanted me to so now I just got all this food and flowers for nothing. Of course I can keep them for myself but it just feels like he’s using me as a punching bag for his own grief. I understand to a certain extent being upset I didn’t let him know I made it home, however, I explained why. But I don’t understand emphasizing his mom’s death and making it seem like I’m so inconsiderate.
I try to be understanding as possible about his mom’s death. I even got him flowers for her birthday in March. So I’m just really hurt that he’s making it seem like I don’t take his grief into consideration, but I also want to make sure I’m not just over personalizing the situation. I’m lucky enough to have both parents still alive so I’d love to know if anyone else with experience in similar situations feels that this is normal or if it’s not? Was I wrong or am I valid in feeling like he’s punishing me for how his day is going? I’m genuinely at a loss for words
****Im overwhelmed by the responses but thank you to the good, bad, and ugly. I’ve gotten a lot of perspectives I never considered. I appreciate them all