I need help with a diagnosis
My whole life, from childhood to this day, I've felt like something was wrong with me. Not because of my desire to be admired, receive validation, fantasies involving grandeur and violence, etc., but because the proportion of these "characteristics" in me is very disproportionate and overwhelming compared to everyone around me.
Every criticism or rejection I suffered seemed 100 times more disproportionate to me than to anyone else I interacted with.
I've been in therapy for 3 years, and I must say that even though my problems haven't been solved, I've learned from it to be self-aware and pay attention to every word and thought I have. I never considered having a disorder, much less one that's portrayed as the villains in the movies I watched as a child, but I have to say that even knowing that self-diagnosis is wrong, it's impossible to ignore my strong tendencies and compatibility with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, vulnerable type. There's no living soul in the world who can guarantee that all the agony I've felt throughout my life without knowing why is normal and not the result of something wrong with me.
The problem comes now: everything I told and discussed with my psychologist is a half-truth. Part of it is because I didn't know how to explain my own feelings at the time, and another part is because I considered it a weakness. I even tried to be subtle and leave clues about selective empathy, fantasies of grandeur, sensitivity to rejection and humiliation (etc., etc.), but she doesn't seem to have paid much attention. I absolutely don't want to erase the persona she created of me in her head.
What would you recommend for me to get my diagnosis? I don't live in the US, but I'm sure the process is the same regardless of the country. Where would you go? Where should I go? I don't know what to do.