It has been about two weeks or more since my husband decided to leave our home because he was no longer happy. These past two weeks have been some of the hardest days of my life. I have been on an emotional roller coaster, feeling depressed, sad, numb at times, and angry.
I would say anger has been the worst part because you feel it throughout your entire body. When I am angry, I do not feel like myself. In those moments, I do not care about anyone else’s feelings; all I can feel is the anger burning inside of me. That anger became so overwhelming that it led me to the hospital with a panic attack.
I am so ready to feel happy again, whatever my life looks like now. My husband and I only talk about the kids, and when we try to talk about us, it never goes well. I feel so much hurt, anger, and resentment that I know I am ready to let it go.
I need to stop asking myself why he did what he did. I need to stop searching for an explanation for everything he says or does to me. Some answers may never come, and holding on to those questions is only keeping me stuck in pain.
I want to start doing things that make me happy, things I will enjoy doing for myself. I honestly have no clue who I am or what I like to do for fun anymore. I’ve been doing counseling, and it has helped a bit, but I still haven’t figured out what brings me joy yet.
I need ideas for things I can do on my own and also things I can do with my children as I start rebuilding my life.