Hey yall. I’m just coming on here to vent my feelings and talk with people who may have had the same experience. Dont really know how to start this given the fact that this is the first time I’m dealing with it. I’ve been hsv2 positive for about 2 years now. Honestly got to a point where I was feeling okay with it, confident, knowing that it is such a minuscule thing about me in comparison to everything else that I am, and even would find myself forgetting about it altogether until sex was brought up.
At first it felt like my life was over, like I was destined to celibacy. My self esteem was non existent. I had no interest in dating anyone.
But I have told a few people since getting diagnosed, and I guess I just got lucky those first times. No one had a problem with it, I had a very normal sex life, a normal relationship even, I havent given it to anyone, and never felt like my herpes was all that I am. Until now.
I just told the guy I’ve been talking to, and foolishly on my part was expecting the convo to go like it had previously. That was not the case. He was very kind and honest about it with his words.. but he definitely couldn’t hide the grossed out look on his face. Said he needed to take time to think about it. Which i understand, and also why I went ahead and told him. I wasn’t told by my previous partner and I will always give someone the choice that i unfortunately was not given.
As much as i understand the hesitation, it still sucks to experience and makes me revert back to exactly how I felt the first day I found out. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have had the same reaction prior to experiencing it for myself. But it still hurts and makes me really damn sad. Just feeling very defeated yall. I don’t want to feel like I have to lower my standards to “whoever doesn’t care.”
Thank you for letting me vent. 💛
Now im in bed with wine, my dog, and tears 🥲