u/Euphoric_Chapter_

Hi everyone,
I'd like to keep who said what anonymous in order to keep things as unbiased as possible. Basically we were going on a trip other with some family members and friends. One friend felt excluded from the planning and the other friend was trying to explain why that wasn't the case. I'm going to add the conversation from the gc with the two friends(Iris and Rose) and another friend(Violet) below:

Iris: Y'all down for Seven Falls on the 30th&31st?

Violet: Rent is due that weekend 🤔
Iris: okay, and???
Violet: We're gonna be a lil broke gang
Iris: We gotta save up this paycheck then!!!
Iris: We really didn't want to push it any further, because it would be too far from <Iris's cousin>'s actual birthday. He made a comment that the cruise got moved forward and it's no longer to celebrate him, but it is now to celebrate his little brother. That sucks if he feels like his birthday is no longer special just because they move the cruise date up, so we really want this trip to feel like it's his and no one else's

Rose: You kinda made a unilateral decision without us gang. That kinda sucks. It’s fine now since you guys already made the plans, but next time maybe consider looping us in too?

Iris: Nevermind I'll just say we can't make it

Rose: Dude, I’m not asking you to cancel anything. Literally all I asked was for you to please loop us in next time. Don’t take things to another extreme and maybe just try to understand why it was a little upsetting. That's it.

Iris: Genuinely don't understand how anything changes. The plan was to go, With my dad and the boys. Now the plan is to go, With my dad and the boys. Except now we have a bigger motivator, being <Iris's cousin>'s birthday + we can go zip lining. If id felt it was a legitimate change, like "<Iris' cousin's parents> are getting invited" , or " now Violet isn't invited" It would've felt different, but I don't understand why y'all r upset. I actually thought y'all would be hype considering we actually have a date again, and it's not just "oh u know, eventually"

Rose: Okay, so let me explain. Now, most of the things we’re going to do are going to have to center around <iris' cousin> and what he wants to do because it’s his trip and not a trip for all of us where we all had equal say. I mean, think about it, if instead of you, your cousin, and your dad that had that convo, it was me, Violet, and my cosuin (because we had all said in front of him that he should come too) you probably wouldn’t have liked it at all if my cosuin had said the same thing about the cruise and I said “dw let’s go to seven falls and make that your birthday trip instead” since his birthday is also like two weeks from that weekend anyway, Violet agreed, and we set a day and everything without you or your dad or your cousin. Now the trip is for my cousin and you and everyone else probably wouldn’t feel comfortable asking to go to places you’d like to go to because my cousin might not like them. That’s basically it, it legit would’ve been absolutely amazing to go for your cousin if you at least let us know that plans were changing and that this was a trip for him now instead of what it was originally gonna be. It just sucks that we didn’t have a voice or choice. It was a loss of autonomy.

Iris: Nu uh. We'll just have a set plan of whatever we want. My cousin is very go with the flow, so if we were wondering day-of , sure I'd get ur point, but last trip we did, you knew what we were doing before we even left, So we'll do the same. My dad, Not me, Has been asking weekly when we're going. He, Not me, Made this whole plan up and told me yesterday at dinner He, not me, already told my cousin he's taking him to seven falls, with or without any of us. I. Was just happy to finally get to go. If Y'all wanna do something drastically different that doesn't include zip lining, or on a different weekend That's totally fine, we, or y'all can plan another trip. I'm sorry y'all felt like everything was being undermined by me, but I'm just along for the ride. I had no ill intentions, and was already gonna ask you, Rose, what we wanted to do. I'd imagined we were gonna go to the Coffee Shop and The Restaurant. I really didn't think anything more

Rose: Dude, okay "going with the flow" is nothing like "we want this trip to feel like it's his and only his." They’re absolutely completely different. Also, I've been bringing seven falls up too? Like quite often. *I* was the one who from the very start that I didn't want this to be a trip that we said we would do and was later forgotten. You also legit didn't even mention *except once last week* that your dad has been talking about it which is crazy if this has really been going on for weeks as you say because it sounded like it was something important

Iris: I say because I felt it was important for context that he's been wanting to go. It's not out of the blue for him to just decide a date. I didn't bring it up bc you haven't, I'm not saying any of us haven't. I know we've all been wanting to go. "...no one else's" as in , not for my cousin's little brother. That's all I meant. Bc the cruise, that was his, is not his little brother's. But the trip, is new to him. My dad, just wanted it to be close to his bday so he still feels *special* since his parents might not throw him a party either. I would have chosen my words more carefully had I known I'd end up this big a deal

Rose: Yeah, I can’t believe just asking to be looped in turned into such a big deal

Violet: It's just a communication kinda thing. I get that both parties might not be the happiest but it seems like it was at least talked about. I agree that I think we should've been on the loop too but I also think that not much changes so long as we still get to do what we wanted while where over there

Iris: But this is me keeping you both in the loop! If y'all have any disagreements or plans please go ahead and say something, I feel like I'm getting in trouble when we still have two weeks ahead of time, no previous solid plan, and again, I'm just the messenger

Rose:It’s the communication, Iris. If you had just responded with at the very least a simple “I didn’t mean to make a decision by myself, my dad had already planned everything and just told me about it just now. Sorry guys” from the start that would’ve clarified everything and things would’ve been much different, but instead you immediately escalated, threatened to cancel everything, literally minimized almost everything I said, you were talking to me like I was a kid for some reason, and are pretty much blaming me for this turning into a big deal? I legit just wanted to communicate something that upset me a little that could’ve been cleared up almost immediately

Iris: Again, had I known this was gonna be a big deal, I would have phrased everything different. I was excited about the plans, assuming y'all would be too, but instead, right as I'm going to bed, I get a "you made an unilateral decision" There wasn't much I can do, bc it wasn't my plan, So I said we cant make it Bc it wasn't a big deal to me to cancel or raincheck again. I wasn't trying to minimize, I was trying to explain bc I already knew you were gonna end up mad at me. Nor did I feel like I was talking to you like a kid

Rose: I brought something up, I wasn’t even mean or mad about it at all, and I was lighthearted the whole time. As I said, you could’ve cleared everything up with one single simple sentence, but you instead said you’d cancel. It’s a big deal if it’s a pattern you do all the time and you did it this time too. I actually mentioned to Violet that you were going to do it, and you did it a few moments after. You didn’t even mention it wasn’t your plan from the start? How was your response not “wait, I didn’t make a decision without you, this wasn’t even my plan” and instead “never mind I’ll just say we can’t make it”

Iris: Genuinely didn't know what the issue was initially when you said it, I read it, but it didn't make sense. U can blame me. I was and am just tired of always being the bad guy

that is all. any and all input is greatly appreciated, especially brutally honest. I just want to navigate these situations better next time.

TLDR: One friend felt left out of trip planning after plans changed, while the other felt the trip was essentially the same and didn’t understand the reaction. The disagreement spiraled into a larger argument. one friend feels misunderstood and the other friend doesn't understand why this conversation is even a big deal to begin with

Edit for clarity:
•the trip was originally planned by iris, rose, and violet. The three are super tight knit and live together. It was agreed between the three that they would invite iris’ dad and cousin and rose’s cousin.
•I originally didn’t think it was important to add, but iris and rose are best friends, iris and violet are siblings, and rose and violet are in a very long term relationship