My boyfriend claims he’s “drinking to realize he doesn’t like drinking”
My boyfriend’s college graduation is today, and I stayed at his house last night and found out he had been drinking (I can immediately tell since he starts slurring, has more anger, and starts repeating things). We got in a huge fight but I still stayed the night since we had early plans with his family today for his graduation. I’m trying not to ruin his day since it’s a big moment for him but all I’m feeling is anger at him, at myself for still having to deal with this, and disappointment.
After we got back from his first ceremony we got in another fight where he said that he’s “drinking to realize he doesn’t like drinking”, which is obviously bullshit. He claims that he has 0 alcohol cravings and he’s just testing it out to remind himself it’s not worth it. I’m just so angry at him but I’m trying to support him on his big day and deal with this all tomorrow.
Last April I broke up with him because of his everyday drinking, and he got sober for 4/5 months. We got back together in August, and then he relapsed in October after having a few beers with friends. Since October, he’s been on a few benders where he feels incredibly sick for days and then doesn’t drink for another month or two. His last bender was just before Easter weekend and he refuses therapy and says he doesn’t like AA because it’s “too depressing”.
I know that I should probably break up with him again and go no contact for good this time, but it’s so hard when he’s my best friend and we’ve been through so much together. Part of me wants to stick it out until the end of summer when we have to start long distance because it seems like an easier break.