TL;DR; : I think I am over my relationship with my partner. I (F24) am currently with (M26), and we have been together for over 2 and a half years. For a while, I have been thinking of this, and what I might do, so I would love some advice or even just a listening ear.
For over a year now, I have been thinking of leaving. Some days/weeks are great, and I am reminded of why I love him, but some, if not most, days, I am just so over the whole thing. I don’t know if it is my fear of the unknown, that I am just comfortable in my relationship, that I don’t want to hurt his feelings, or if I am just feeling trapped, but I have continued to stay. Our lives are just so entangled that I don’t know how to leave. We live and work in the same place, which I feel like I have no way to leave. It is not like he doesn’t treat me kindly, or anything. I just feel like we are roommates and have no intimacy. I mean, we have s** maybe 3 times a month, and even when I try to initiate, he says he is too tired from work, and he hops on his computer and plays a video game.
We also work at the same place, and he recently didn’t get a promotion (which I have been promoted for 5 months now). I asked him if he wanted to stay at our job, and he said, “I have always followed you around, I have nowhere else to go.” For context, this man has been following me around for years, moving and doing the jobs I am doing, etc. At first, I thought it was sweet, but now I have realized he doesn’t seem to have any goals or aspirations of his own, and people are constantly asking what I see in him. I have tried helping him find jobs he would like, tried helping him finish his degree, etc but he has no goals. His only goal is to be with me… I on the other hand have lots of goals and dreams, so this mindset of his drives me crazy. It also doesn’t help that we live together and are committed to this arrangement until August.
To be honest, I think he makes me feel less alone. He snuggles me, tucks me in, knows my habits and what I like, deals with my crazy, and I don’t think he would ever cheat on me. But I am to the point where I don’t think it is enough. We live together, and I feel like we are just roommates. I have talked to him about how I am feeling on multiple occasions, but things change for a week, and then they are back to the old way. And maybe I ask too much of him. Maybe I ask him to hang out with me too much, or to get me water all the time. I can’t help to consider that maybe I am the problem. Maybe I have made him this way. It also doesn’t help that I have begun to feel so annoyed with anything he says. I have started “snapping” at him, and I feel so guilty for some of the words that come out of my mouth. I just am just so confused. My emotions feel like a crazy roller coaster.
I am just so fed up with the terrible birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine's Days that are flowerless, when flowers are the only thing I ask for. This year I cried because he didn’t even get me a cake, flowers, or a gift for my birthday. And maybe it is stupid to feel so heartbroken over those things, but all I want are flowers. And I have begged him to get me them, and every time he says he will start getting me more flowers, but at the end of the day, my hands are empty. I am just so tired of begging for small surprises or gifts.
I am not saying he doesn’t do things for me. He fixed my brakes, which were having trouble, makes me the occasional coffee in the morning, and buys me a steak when I ask. I just feel like there are so many cons.
I am just struggling with what I should do. I am in a lease till August and we have a trip planned in two months that is non-refundable. Advice?