So sorry this is going to be a long post. For some background I moved out 2 years ago with my bf, let’s call him C. C has met my parents and does not like them because of how they treat me and how disrespectful they are of him. He however has never said anything mean to them, in fact mostly kept his mouth shut and just opted to stay away from them. He has never once said I shouldn’t see or have a relationship with my parents but he is very firm with his boundary of not wanting to see them.
Over these past 2 years I have been slowly coming to the realization that I have been in a very emeshed relationship with my mother. What I used to look at as normal behavior (being my mom’s confidant, thinking of her feelings first, my mom literally being my best friend) is actually not a healthy parent child relationship. I have been trying to distance myself from my mom by setting some boundaries. For example she is not allowed to say anything bad about c to me, as this has been a constant issue throughout the last 2 years. I still go over to see them for dinner once a week as they only live about 40 minutes away and I thought this has been working out.
Unfortunately about a week and a half ago everything got blown out of proportion. I was supposed to go over for dinner as normal however I was super tired after a long day at work. I had sat down on my bed to wait the last 10 minutes for my laundry to finish and I accidentally dozed off. I texted my mom about 30 minutes later to let her know what had happened and to ask if we could reschedule for the next day. She responded to this by guilt tripping me so for my own sake I ignored it. She then started blowing up my phone to the point she was somehow getting thru my do not disturb. Assuming she was just trying to guilt me I turned my phone off and continued my nap. About an hour and a half later my bf get to answer the door to 2 sheriffs asking to speak to me.
Turns out my mom had called a wellness check on me. Told the cops that C might be dangerous and try to hurt me. She had somehow even gotten in contact with my friends that live in the same neighborhood as me saying the same thing. They offered to come check on me but she had already called the cops. It is also an important detail that when my friends told her he wouldn’t hurt me she changed her story to “she needed to make a return at Walmart. What if she got kidnapped and they kidnappers made her send a text as an excuse to why she wasn’t gonna show up”. Also important detail she neglected to tell my friends that I had told her I was taking a nap.
Since then we have been having the same argument going in circles as she keeps deflecting and refusing to apologize or take any accountability for her actions. Flipping the script on me and blaming me. Previous to this I didn’t think my mom was a narcissist, just that she played victim a lot. I don’t want to cut my mom off I love her and I love the relationship I thought we had. Is there any saving this?
TLDR: I told my mom I needed to reschedule dinner because I was too tired so she called the cops for a wellness check after only an hour and told them my bf was dangerous.