I have oral Herpes and sometimes I think that I will never find a decent partner.
I got herpes 4 years back when I was learning swimming (FYI it doesn’t only spread through sexual contact).
The first cold sores that I had were painful. I had fever that took a week to go away.
I was college at that time and my friend group , parents and then boyfriend were very supportive about it. I didn’t face any sort of discrimination from anyone at that time. So it never occurred to me that anyone would have a problem with it.
Fast forward to 1 year back, I was dating a different guy. Since I get cold sores from herpes once in like a couple of years I didn’t remember that I had herpes. We were a year into the relationship when I got a small sore and my forgetful ass got reminded that I have herpes and I should tell this to him.
And his reaction was something that I could had never fathomed in a million dreams.
Right after I told him, he didn’t even look at me ever till he was completely gone from my life.
In the process of trying to make him stay I had begged him to not leave and he had told me terrible things about having herpes. I had insecurities about things but I never thought this will be the thing on which I would be so harshly judged and dumped by a person who I thought was well educated and aware.
He was along the lines that he understands that herpes is not that harmful but the social stigma around it really scares him.
In his words, he did what any normal man would do in that situation for his reputation.
I didn’t hide it from him on but I realised all this trouble could be avoided if he knew this from the beginning.
Fast forward to today, more than a year after the breakup, I do not have the guts to date at all.
I get emotionally triggered and feel attacked if I see a pop culture reference to Herpes and people reacting to it as if it’s the grossest thing ever. All the terrible things that my ex told me seem to make sense.
And hence, I don’t feel that I will find some genuine person loving me.
I have been told to go on dates and open up about my condition and give myself positive data points about it, but the humiliation that I faced the last time - it scares me a lot that I will face something like that again.
I really felt dehumanised when he completely flipped after knowing about it and ran 7 feet away from me when I went to touch his hand.
It’d be helpful if you guys could share your experiences and thoughts on this.