Hello guys and gals,

First of all I want to thank you in advance for taking the time to read through my post.
It's the first post I ever make on reddit, and if there are some rules that I potentially break, then I apologize in advance. I will try to keep this post as short and as informative as possible, as by the time writing this I am in the period where I randomly burst into tears..

Me 30M and her 36F

A short introduction about myself,

I moved to Norway 7 years ago from Greece with my then Norwegian girlfriend.
After we broke up, I was basically alone in the country, trying to do absolutely everything by myself, being responsible economically and emotionally . This is important later on.

PRESENT:

I've been a flight attendant for 3 years now, and when I first started I met a colleague, from Denmark, whom I felt like there was instantly a spark between us. When I first saw her I thought of like "I wanna marry her, I wanna be with her", and no it had not so much to do with her looks.
By that time, I knew absolutely nothing about her, it was something in the air, I can hardly explain, I hope some of you could relate.

Long story short, after like 2 years later, and only had flown together 2 times, we started dating, out of the blue. I would go to Denmark and she would come to Norway.
I fell for her real quick, I feel like I skipped the part where I got in love with her, and immediately started loving her, for real, and deeply. It was a crazy period, everything was happening so fast, but so harmonically at the same time.. or so I thought..

A few weeks after we started dating, when I was at her place, there were a couple of occasions where she would just burst out crying, out of the blue. So then I asked her "What's going on?"

A SHORT INTRO:

Before we started dating, she was together with 1 guy for 7 years, which didn't end well, but because of the timespan being together, she of course loved him. The space between her breakup with that dude and her relationship with me was 4 months.

Back to where I asked her what's going on, she replied "You haven't done anything wrong, it's memories, of having another man in the same house as my ex".
So I asked her "Are you not ready then ? Have you not moved on?"
She replied "Yes I am totally ready, it was basically over for me and my ex long before it was official, it is just my body that reacts by itself, mentally I feel ready but my body says different"

When she said that I thought "What kind of bullshit is that", but instead I said:
"Okay, I won't pretend to understand what you're feeling, I haven't felt like that in my life, but I believe your feelings are valid and if you say you're ready then I take your word for it"

This happened a couple of times only but I think it's relevant to the whole story.

So months passed where we were together, and then when we were on a small trip, at the beach, she told me that's she's never been in love so much with anyone before and that I make her feel really special.

Of course, that was the case for me too.

Over the next few months she opened up a bit more about her past 2 relationships, that they were terrible, psychologically abusive and that it created trauma in her.

About 4 months ago, I texted her "I wish we could meet more often and not like every 10-15 days, I miss you". Her reply left me completely shocked and bombed, she replied "Well you need to take responsibility and do not throw this weight on me".
And I thought of myself "What? No way she understood that message so wrong".
You know I was expecting something along the lines "oh me too, you're sweet", or whatever something like that

So I decided to call her instead of typing, and God, there was a hell of an argument, which for the most part, I had no idea what was going on.
How did we go from sharing a desire to this? You know, people say "Oh I wish I could live on an island and not ever have to work". It was that kind of desire I shared with her.

She was pushy, saying things like "You need to take responsibility" , "If you want that so much then we just gotta find a solution and not just sit like that", and stuff like that.
I was completely shocked, we argued for hours . So I decided to tell her something like " I dont know what's wrong with you, but this behavior is unacceptable" and I hang up..

The next day, she called me and we talked, she told me that she felt overwhelmed because of previous trauma that she had and she apologized, that this whole thing was a misunderstanding ...

By that time I figured out that she might have more trauma than what I thought..

A FEW MONTHS LATER

In the meantime, we were very good at sharing and talking about our feelings, she would tell me by her self that she loves me so much etc. and I would do the same.
She thought I was so emotionally intelligent and kind and sweet, and she loved to talk to me.

There was this time where we were at a restaurant and out of the blue she asked
"Where do you see us next year?"
I thought like "Oh shit here it goes"
We talked about the distance and if we're willing to move to each other's country.

So she started first saying that she grew up in Denmark, it's her home, her family and friends are all there plus her role in the company would change if she moved to Norway.

The truth is that her family lives far away, and she only meets them once a month, and her bestfriends are all pregnant now, and she meets them maybe once every 2 weeks.

And then I explained my side of things:
That I moved to Norway 7 years ago, I invested time, money, physical and emotional exertion to make it. I went to language courses and EVERYTHING I had to do to integrate myself to the Norwegian world.
I have no one to help me in case shit hits the fan. That I am 100% responsible for everything that happens around me. In addition I said, my Danish are not so good, which means, I would lose my job and would have to start from absolute zero again.
And let's not forget the case that I move to Denmark and things don't work out..
So I explained to her, I want to move to Denmark with you, I don't have anything sentimental that holds me here in Norway, but it's a thing that I HAVE to do and not WANT, to stay in Norway.

The situation became awkward for a few minutes but suddenly everything was normal again..

FINALE

Just over a week ago, she was at her family house, and when she came back she texted me:
"I'm thinking of going back to my family place, I really miss them, and I will start working less, It's going to work, why not"

Truth is, I got shocked because we hadn't figured out yet what's gonna happen with us, where we're going to live etc.
But I simply replied "If that's what you want then I completely understand, I am far away from my own family, it's a good plan, it could work<3"

After like 20-30 minutes she texted:
"I have the need to share this with you, I love you so much, but right now it feels like we don't have a plan for the future, what we're gonna do, where we gonna live, and we just avoid talking about it, and I've been in a relationship like this before and I don't want the same thing to repeat itself"

So, as a simple man I am, reading a message that I got, I connected her first text with her second and I thought "Hold up, where am I in the picture? How is she thinking so selfish, what the hell is this?"
I got SO disappointed in her so I just replied "Okay, like we usually say here in the north, it is what it is", and I said nothing more.

Next day she ringed, furious, saying that I am immature for not replying properly and what kind of behavior is that etc.
I explained to her that her message hurt me and she's thinking egoistic and this is not right*.*
I explained myself again why I cannot move to Denmark and that the reality is that I have so much more to lose by moving out of the blue than her, and that the whole thing is much more practical than emotional and that my reasons outweigh by far hers even if she likes it or not.
And that I do still believe, but she got so mad she said things like "you cannot decide what's more important, you cannot decide for me, you cannot just ignore me because I've shared a thought" etc. etc. etc.

I got shocked that she couldn't understand the practical part for me, how difficult it would be, while for her, if things didn't work out, she could just move back to Denmark, without losing so much.

So then, I finally decided that this is not going anywhere any longer, so I broke up with her..
I feel like this was what I had to do at that point, she was in complete denial.

After that, we talked a few times, I went and visited her, and we talked, she said that she didn't mean it exactly as written, that she wants to move back to her family, that it was just a dream and when she asked me about the future that it wasn't connected to the first message, it was just a general question.
That particular day, everything kind of gotten sorted out, but the next day...

We were having breakfast and suddenly she busted in tears, crying SO much, saying that she's destroyed, that I opened old wounds, that I gave up on her. And eventually that she needs time and space to sort her thoughts out..

So I left and waited for days before she called me and told me that she feels completely destroyed and what I did (breaking up with her) opened wounds and traumas..
We talked, back and forth the same things , that I couldn't know she meant something else, I just read what she texted me and I got sad, and angry and disappointed and not accounted for..

But she said she feels scared and unsafe because I can just "switch" moods so quickly.
I've explained her that I am a man and I will do what is necessary, and if I feel like I am not appreciated then I have to move on. But I told her that this anyway is a big misunderstanding, so we can just try to fix it, to work things out..

But no, that is not possible any longer.. she was just repeating her self, that she's broken, destroyed, she needs time and space..

All the time we managed to talk on the phone she would cry so much.
I told her " I am sorry it's not so easy for me to let go as it is for you" , and she replied "I never said it's easy for me, why are you trying to decide over my feelings?"

I want her back, I love her more than anything in this world. And I've tried EVERYTHING to get her to understand that I did what I HAD to do and not what I FELT like and that here I am trying to fix things.
In addition I apologized for my impulsive behavior for breaking up with her but I did it because I felt betrayed, I explained.

Something inside me tells me that this is not over, but at the same time I know, it could just be my brain playing false hope games..
I am having a trip from Denmark in 2 weeks and she is having free that period. I was thinking I could text her to meet, but I don't know anymore..

If you've read through the entire thing, I want to thank you so much. Please use some time to reply properly besides "forget about her" or stuff like that. Be constructive, thank you<3