My [30F] Fiancée [33F] keeps quitting her job and is ruining us financially. What should I do?
I 30F have been with my fiancée 33F for almost 6 years. She's my best friend and when things are good, they’re really good. But there’s a recurring issue that’s pushing me to breaking point.
She keeps quitting her job and lives off "our" savings for months at a time. The first time, she lived on her own savings for 6 months then dipped into mine for a further 2. The last two times, including currently, she has been living off mine entirely, because she doesn't work long enough to save for herself again. Once the money runs out she will find a job and believes it’s “divine timing”, but for me this is terrifying. I grew up with financially unstable parents, we often went without and were even homeless for a few years, so security is essential to me. I don’t want to be rich, I just want to feel safe.
After 5 years of saving for thing like a wedding, children, holidays and a house, we have nothing. I’m now worse off financially than when we met. Each time this happens, my savings are drained, I carry the financial and emotional burden then come home from work to cook, clean and keep everything running while they disengage, sleep all day and play on thier phone.
We’ve had countless conversations. I’ve cried, begged them not to quit without another job lined up. They apologise and promise change, but the pattern never does. The lack of work ethic and motivation is so unattractive to me, along with the obvious disregard for how this affects me and our future. I have enough for us to survive maybe another 2 months but I don't know what we will do if she doesn't find a job soon.
I’m torn between wanting to leave and feeling like I promised to marry this person, I promised to work through the bad times and to carry us when she couldn't. I know we aren't married yet but shouldn't that apply even now? I keep telling myself that this is what a wife would do. But this version of them isn’t who I agreed to marry, and I’m scared of waking up in five years either wishing I’d acted sooner or regretting ending it.
TLDR My Fiancée is ruining us financially and I don't know if I can't take it anymore but I worry what that says about me as a partner if I can't stick by them.