u/Equivalent_Prize_878

According to most external metrics, I’m doing fine. I’m an engineer, working remotely, moved abroad, married to someone I genuinely love. By the standards of Morocco, I made it.
But the details are always a mess.
I never maintain a clean environment. My schedule is nonexistent unless a deadline is forcing my hand. My brain feels like 40 tabs open with no clear window in focus. I was diagnosed with ADHD, I’m on medication, but it only takes the edge off — it doesn’t fix the deeper thing.
The deeper thing is this: I feel like I have real potential and I’m doing almost nothing with it. Job, YouTube, sleep, repeat. I’ve cut off my family of origin because the relationship was toxic and extractive, which was the right call, but it means it’s basically me and my wife against the world. No real community around us. And I worry that my stagnation is slowly becoming her problem too, which terrifies me because she’s the one thing I refuse to lose.
I’ve tried therapy, notebooks, medication, productivity systems. Nothing sticks. It feels too deeply rooted to be just laziness — but I don’t know what else to call it.
Has anyone actually escaped this specific kind of functional-but-hollow loop? Not managed it. Actually escaped it. I’d love to hear what moved the needle for you.