Trigger after getting fired
Hi guys this is super vulnerable but I’ve been really struggling . I was diagnosed with BPD and chronic depression about 2 years ago and I also struggle with on and off eating disorders. I just got fired from a job during my probationary period. I knew it wasn’t a good fit from the start. I’m huge on learning and I wasn’t trained in the slightest I had about 6 hours of onboarding and I swear my bosses forgot about me after lol. I guess their thought process was that I should already come with a ton of experience . But they knew I was 22 fresh grad and I didn’t lie on my resume they knew my background so truly I don’t know what they expected . To be fair I’ve been working in the field for about 2 years but this was a sort of management role like completely different from what I was previously doing and once again they knew. I feel like I was kinda set up. From the beginning they made it known I wasn’t their first choice and other people had gotten hired but they never showed. That was already super triggering. And at an all staff meeting when they were introducing the new hires they did not clap for me and were looking down on their phones meanwhile they clapped and cheered for everyone. This was also super triggering and I cried for a whole night. I was feeling ostracized and rejected. When they fired me they recognized that I was really turning it around this week but “it’s not enough.” I genuinely feel super set up. But aside that I’m dealing with a ton of panic attacks , hyperventilating and i can’t explain it but like my body physically feels super weak. I’m moving back home with my parents while I settle. I haven’t lived with them with 5+ years and I’m happy with my decision. I have 2 little brothers that I want to get closer with and my best friend is in my hometown. But regardless I still feel like I failed but I recognize this was just not the role for me but god it hurts how they just tossed me aside so early on without letting me get a hang of it. And this mental illness is not helping I feel like I’m drowning. I will just randomly feel my stomach drop and feel nauseous and I just want to scream. I need some advice I don’t want to write a bad review I don’t want to do something I’ll regret as I know BPD can lead to . Please help !!!