Hi Reddit. So my boyfriend, we’ll call him Alan, and I have moved in together into our first home. Him and I work full time jobs. He’s blue collar and works outside all day from 4:45am to sometimes 6pm. I work in an office making calls and my shifts are never set but I’m at least home everyday by 8.
Recently, Alan started a side business/hustle and it takes up his afternoons when he’s not working til 6pm. He even works weekends where he’ll have his main job Saturday morning until noon and then he goes to a side job or two for a few hours. He’s a workaholic to be honest, he’s got OCD too. He has a schedule he follows almost everyday and he always has to be doing something. When him and I met, he’d never seen some of the most common movies because he didn’t grow up that way. He was always outside working or doing something. Anyway, his time has been so consumed with work that when he comes home, he just wants to relax.
When him and I met, he wasn’t working as hard. He had a different job at the time and he did side work but it wasn’t ever this much. He let his free time be free and would spend most of it with me or his friends. He was very touchy, attentive and made me feel like a priority. Once he switched jobs, moved into this house together and he started this side business, it all changed. This has been going on for a few months.
He comes home before I do sometimes so when he does, he comes in, gives me a kiss sometimes and then starts working on something. If he’s not doing a side job that day, he’ll be working on his own stuff or something around the house. If i come home after him, it’s the same. I come home and sometimes I won’t get a kiss until that night when we’re going to bed. We used to cuddle, he used to wake up in the morning and reach over and grab me. I loved it, because I’m a physical affection person. Not overdoing it or anything, just enjoy subtle physical contact. Some days I won’t even get a kiss. Lately it just feels like he’s not interested in engaging anything with me. We haven’t had sexual intimacy in a month. I’ve brought this up before and tried to talk but he was busy eating dinner I made so he wasn’t paying attention cause his phone was in front of him watching facebook reels. So I tried to bring it up when he wasn’t trying to rest and relax after a long days work but then he’s focused on trying to fix whatever it is. Trying to talk to him is tricky because he’s not great at communicating his own feelings. He always tells me, “I thought we were fine, I didn’t think anything was going on or we had problems,” when I bring up my issue with something.
Something I do want to mention is that I know who my boyfriend is. We have always known one another for a long time, like years prior to us dating. He is a workaholic. His parents were too. That’s how he was brought up. He won’t change that part of himself and I wouldn’t expect him to. He doesn’t need to. I just want him to understand that work is not everything. He says he has to make this money and stuff so he can afford what he has and also have money to spare for emergencies and extra things but for one, he doesn’t take time off to go enjoy the money he makes and for two, he doesn’t believe in taking time off from work. I had to force him to stay home and call in when he had the flu.
I understand wanting to work hard to afford a lifestyle you have but he doesn’t make time to do the second part. So when I sit at home waiting or I come home excited to see my boyfriend after my own battles at work, and I am met with a man who seems uninterested in the conversation, when do I stop letting it happen? When is the time to tell someone that they have a girlfriend they don’t spend time with? What can I do for myself to maybe stop requesting so much from him and being satisfied with the fact that my boyfriend is very hardworking and is trying to build a future? I guess I’m making this post to hear from an outsiders perspective what this sounds like. We don’t have issues where it’s something to break up over. Our relationship is surprisingly chill compared to our own past relationships so we don’t argue. I just feel like Ive been forgotten. Like he has forgotten about that priority. I don’t want him to come home everyday for the rest of my life and it be like this. Any advice is appreciated. :)