Hi everyone, I hope you’re all having a good day. I just wanted to say that I feel like I’m at my breaking point.
I’ve been working since I was 19 because my dad got me a job. I just turned 23. During COVID, I did my A-levels and ended up with predicted grades that were really bad. Honestly, even if I had sat the exams properly, I probably still wouldn’t have done well.
After that, my dad decided that I should work with him. He’s a good father and wants me to have a better future. I’ve been working at his company, where most of the time I just sit around and maybe send a few emails here and there. At the same time, I’ve also been studying.
I started a two-year diploma and have already passed 5 papers, with only 2 remaining. During this time, I wanted to move to Germany to complete my bachelor’s degree, but for that I needed C grades in Physics and Chemistry. So I started studying Physics while working and continuing my diploma.
Today was my practical exam, and I did really badly in it. I genuinely feel worthless. I feel like I’m good for nothing. Everything I have in life feels like it’s only because of my dad and Allah — I feel like I’ve contributed nothing myself.
It’s not that I think I’m incapable of succeeding. I just want to become something in life, like the people I see around me. I want to make my parents proud the way other children make their parents proud.
I honestly have no interest in getting married because I feel like I would ruin that too. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I’ve had thoughts about killing myself, but I can’t bear the thought of making my mother sad, and my faith in Islam stops me as well.
I’m just tired of myself, and I don’t know what to do anymore