Hi!! Hello :)
This has been weighing on my mind for the past year or so, so apologies if this is a bit of a wordy post.
I’m transmasc and 21 years old. My partner is 22 and non-binary! We’ve been together for five years (our anniversary is tomorrow!) and we’ve been through our crazy highs and crazy lows and I know this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. They’re endlessly patient and supportive and I know they feel the same about me. I have a bit of a history of getting attached to people too quickly and expecting a future with them, but with my partner today, we’ve talked things through up and down and in every way possible. We know we want this future and we know that we want to be together for the rest of our lives.
The issue… is my mother and sibling. My partner and I currently live in the Southeast, but we’d both like to move up to the Northwest when we’ve gotten our masters degrees and can afford the move.
I know I’m worrying about something that won’t happen for a good five years or so now, but I know my mother won’t approve. She’s had to live separately from her family and so she’s very deadset on both me and my sibling staying as close to home as possible.
I got into multiple arguments and eventually had to apply to a different college without her knowledge to be allowed to move just two hours away from her. I still visit about once or twice a month and she still feels like I’ve abandoned her.
I understand it’s difficult for her, because my father passed away when I was 10 (they were divorced at the time but she did still love him, I think). And her own family lives all over the country, some even live in Europe and she never gets to see them.
But I just… can’t. She’s incredibly unsupportive of my relationship with my partner. She’s chosen to believe that I am a cis straight woman in denial and my partner is just my best friend. So this mindset she has, ultimately leads her to believing that my partner doesn’t, and shouldn’t, matter anywhere near as much as family.
Why would I move in with my “friend” when I could stay with family? When I should stay with her? Why would I abandon her and everything she’s done for me to move two hours away? Or one day across the country? (<— her perspective)
God, when I was 12, my dream was to join the Navy so I could travel the world and not be tied down to anyone. I’ve grown since then, but being tied to her still scares me to death.
And then, I know if I move, all of the burden will fall on my younger sibling. They’ll be three hours from my mom by the fall semester of college this year. They’re far more attached to her than I am, partially due to living alone with her and partially because they’ve genuinely always had a vastly better experience being her child than I had. I was more my father’s favorite, while they’re my mom’s (though she claims no favoritism exists).
So they consistently either play the middleman or choose my mother’s side because that’s what they know. I don’t fault them for that, I’m glad they feel so close to her. But I just don’t want my mom to put everything on them *even more* than she already does when I inevitably move.
All of this to say, sorry, am I a bad person for moving one day? I feel like literal spawn of the devil or whatever for even considering it.
edit: “had to apply” was mild wording… my partner had to drive to pick me up the day before the semester of the college i wanted started. i applied, transferred medical records and scolarships, and did Everything without my mother’s knowledge. so i could go to the college two hours away as opposed to thirty minutes