I (32M) had a 3-year intense relationship with my ex (28F). We broke up because of different future plans (kids vs no kids) and trust issues.
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## Important context:
- I told her clearly to stop contacting me (no texting, no calling) and stay away
- We still go to the same gym, so we can’t fully avoid each other
- She is ALWAYS the one who reaches out first, often randomly out of nowhere
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## Timeline (important)
### March:
- Beginning of March: we were still seeing each other and hooked up
- After that, we ended things more definitively
- About 2 days after a full weekend together, another guy asked for her number
- She told him:
> “I was with my ex this weekend”
- He accepted it
- About 3 weeks later, they met up multiple times and kissed
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### Current situation with that guy:
- He is currently on vacation for about 2 weeks
- After he left, I randomly ran into her at the gym
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### Mid-April (gym moment):
We saw each other at the gym:
- just said hi
- had a normal conversation
After that:
👉 she suddenly started texting and calling me again all week
I eventually cut it off again and told her not to contact me
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### April 26 (TikTok moment out of nowhere):
She sent me a TikTok that said:
> “sometimes all you need is one person on your side”
And wrote:
> “idk moest aan jou denken” (idk I thought of you)
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### My reaction:
- I saw it but didn’t respond immediately
- When I did respond, I was short/distant
She then:
👉 deleted the message
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### After that:
I asked:
> “Why did you delete it?”
She said:
- she got irritated
- it reminded her of a girl she was insecure about during our relationship (someone I had sex with)
- she saw a lookalike → got triggered
Then:
- she started typing…
- stopped…
- sent nothing
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### 2 days later:
I said:
> “If you want to say something, just say it. Otherwise what’s the point?”
She replied:
> “yeah I thought nvm leave it”
> “idk what I had to say”
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### After that → calls:
That same period:
👉 she started calling me again
In ONE day:
- 2 hour call
- 1 hour+ call
- another 2 hour call
- 54 min call
So easily 4–5+ hours total
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### After the last conversation:
After all of that, she said:
> “I will never text or call you again”
Even though:
- she’s the one who kept reaching out
- and I had already told her not to contact me
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## What she says:
- “I don’t want you”
- “I don’t need you”
- “my body blocks you”
- “it’s better like this”
- “you want me”
- “it doesn’t do anything to me what you do with other women”
She also says:
- I’m like drugs to her
- she’s addicted to our dynamic
- I always trigger her
And:
- If I’m short →
> “you never used to respond like that”
- If I say something real → she gets triggered
She also told me:
- she was never jealous with exes,
- but with me it was extreme jealousy
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## What I said back:
When she said:
> “you want me”
I told her:
> “If I wanted you, I would be messaging you and putting in effort”
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## What she does:
- Keeps texting me first
- Keeps calling me even after I said not to
- Often reaches out randomly
- Sends emotional messages
- Deletes messages after sending
- Gets triggered by other women
- Calls me for HOURS
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## Dynamic:
Our whole relationship has always been:
argue → make up → argue → make up → laugh → repeat
She literally calls it:
👉 something she’s addicted to
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## My confusion:
How can someone:
- say they don’t want you
- say they don’t care what you do
- say their body “blocks” you
- say they’ll never contact you again
BUT:
- keep reaching out
- keep calling
- spend hours talking
- get emotionally triggered
- admit you feel like “drugs” to them
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## My questions:
- Does she still have feelings but is suppressing them?
- Is this emotional addiction / trauma bond?
- Am I just emotional comfort while she’s with someone else?
- Why say “I don’t care” but clearly react?
- Why say she’ll never contact me again, but keeps doing it?
- Is this just push-pull behavior?
- Is it a red flag she keeps this going while seeing another guy?
Because right now:
👉 her words and actions completely contradict each other
I genuinely don’t understand what this is.