If you could please help and give a few tips and such. THANK YOU
About Me
Hyperfocus, which is common in people with ADHD, makes me intensely fixated on things — so much that it becomes mentally and physically exhausting. It often leads to brain fog, fatigue, and memory issues. I focus on too many things at once and don’t know when to stop; it’s like I have the pedals in my head but no brakes. The overstimulation from Wellbutrin makes this worse — it raises my anxiety and pushes me even deeper into this hyperfocused state. ADHD paralysis also affects me; I know I can do more and want to achieve things, but something always restricts me until I burn out.
The mental clutter, brain fog, constant rumination, and non-stop internal monologue feel unbearable at times. My mind feels like it has dozens of tabs open, and someone else is holding the remote. I can’t calm down or stay still, and my motivation keeps slipping away. I know I can function better — more calmly, more naturally — but something inside stops me from accessing that part of myself. It’s frustrating, because I can feel the potential there, yet I can’t reach it.
I’ve tried talking to my mom about this, but I don’t think she really understands, even though she tries to act like she does. It upsets me, but I keep going back to her, hoping she’ll finally understand or validate what I feel. I end up trapped in my own head — like I’m in a prison I can’t escape. It fuels my depression, and even though I’m on Wellbutrin, sometimes it feels like it only makes things worse, leading to overstimulation and more anxiety.
I desperately want to slow down — to be able to rest, sit still, and feel peace for just a moment — but every time I try, anxiety kicks in. It sparks my ADHD paralysis, this cycle of fear that something’s wrong, that I’m wasting time, that I’m not doing enough. It feeds the same loop of overstimulation, paralysis, and exhaustion. I chase little dopamine hits to fill the emptiness, but it always backfires. It’s hard to realize in the moment that I’m doing harm to myself just to feel okay for a second.
When the brain fog or paralysis hit, I start acting immature or lazy — making jokes, being sarcastic, using humor to cover up how lost I feel. Inside, I’m screaming at myself: I know this is wrong, why can’t I move? It’s like someone else is controlling me or pushing me down with invisible weight. It makes me feel stupid, like I have no control over my own brain. It hurts.
I tend to seek validation and attention from others — my friends, my family — sometimes just to feel something, to get that short dopamine hit. Maybe it’s ego, or maybe it’s just wanting to be seen, to not feel invisible. I get bothered easily, want things to go my way, and when they don’t, I become irritated and perfectionistic. I procrastinate constantly, which frustrates me even more. I also notice avoidant behaviors and quick emotional shifts, which might be mood swings. It makes relationships difficult because I cycle through burnout, anxiety, insecurity, and self-doubt. It often spirals into negativity about myself and the people I care about.
These layers — ADHD, anxiety, overstimulation, perfectionism, validation-seeking, and burnout — combine into something that drains me completely. I’ve felt suicidal at times because of it. I feel sick, overstimulated, and trapped in this mental cycle I can’t break. I’ve tried coping strategies, but when ADHD paralysis sets in, I forget them. When I remember, I get frustrated that I have to relearn them all over again. Even when I try to go outside for a walk or fresh air, which helps a little, the rumination, intrusive thoughts, and inner noise return as soon as I settle down.
Sometimes I get intrusive thoughts — bursts of anger or dark impulses that appear when I’m mentally and emotionally burned out. I also struggle with emotional numbness; I crave the ability to truly feel and connect again. I just want to feel human — to have empathy, to think clearly, to not feel like my mind is running without me.
It’s also hard for me to be alone. I seek connection constantly. I’ll admit that — I truly don’t like being alone. My ex was my main source of companionship, and since that ended, I’ve been struggling deeply with loneliness. I overthink everything, especially about her. She’s doing better than me now, and I know she’s not alone like I am. I tell myself that she grew up with guy friends, but now that we’re adults, it bothers me more. Maybe I’m just insecure, but it still hurts. I know guys will often wait for an opportunity, and that thought messes with me. Still, I’m trying to accept that it’s out of my control. It is what it is.
Right now, I don’t have much going on in my life. I know I want goals, direction, and progress, but I feel stuck — stuck on my phone, in bed, looping through the same patterns every day. I’ve learned that staying inactive like this can reduce how effective my medications (Wellbutrin and Guanfacine) are. They’re meant to help with depression, anxiety, and ADHD, but they work best when combined with an active lifestyle. Since I haven’t been active, maybe I haven’t experienced their full effect yet. I want to start building a routine and staying consistent with it to see if that makes a difference and helps me feel more balanced.
I’ve also been reading about upcoming medications like Centanafadine, which might be more effective for people like me who struggle with overstimulation and attention regulation. Maybe switching things up could help someday. For now, though, I need to focus on working through these issues slowly, step by step.
This is who I am right now — not who I want to be forever. I still have hope that things will get better. I want to become someone who can focus, feel calm, act kindly, and think clearly. I want to live with less chaos in my head, a more positive and peaceful mindset, and genuine stability. Maybe things will take time, but I believe that I’ll get there, because I still think and feel there's a little bit of hope left, or maybe it might be forever. Anyways, thank you for listening.