This isn’t another “am I bi” post (30 F)
I have always known I am attracted to other women. Women are literally goddesses; gorgeous and soft and playful and emotional. I don’t have to question my attraction there.
My problem is that I have never been with a woman; sexually or romantically. I am married to a man; whom I love so deeply. We have a family and a life together.
I have kissed girls and even showered with girls (my best friend and I used to when we were high school) but nothing more has ever happened. I used to be okay with that, because I think for a long time I thought it was just sexual and I was fine not having sexual experiences with women, but open to it if it ever happened. It never did.
Fast forward. The feelings have intensified and I can’t stop imagining what it would be like with a woman. I’m talking about it in therapy. I’m having conversations with my husband about it. His biggest fear is that I’ll have experiences or we’ll have an experience together and it will destroy our marriage. Which in all honesty, is a fair and actually sweet perspective to have. But it’s getting harder and harder to satisfy this part of myself with just fantasy.
I don’t need the internet to validate my sexuality; despite never being with a woman, I know what I’m attracted to and what my desire is.
I guess what I’m seeking is solidarity if you’re going through this right now and if anyone has been through this and if so… what did you do? What do you wish you did?