NSFW:couldn't find the sign for it so here.
I don't know what to do anymore.
My guilt is slowly killing me.
First it was my dog but my sister hit me the hardest.
I failed my dog when we had to put him down, I was 13 and it was the first dog I had ever raised but he turned. I've always blamed myself that will never change.
Failing school is all my fault. I try my best but I just never make it. Maybe it's my fault?
My cousin SA'd, it's all my fault because my shorts were too short, I was 14 he was 22, I remember when he told me that he used to stare at my panties and breasts when I wore a tight shirt or anything. It's all my fault and I feel like a slut. I remember feeling so dirty and trying to end it that night, I still have nightmares. He's in jail now facing 20+ years but my cousins still defend him not knowing he had pictures of me saved in his phone that he got from his girlfriend at the time.
I failed my sister. It's all my fault. My 12 year old F cousin was touching her inappropriately and I failed as an older sister to protect her, she was 6. They looked like best friends around me, she used to always ask to sleep over at her house and everything. My sister never told me till she was 12 herself and I can't stop thinking about it. I wasn't there.
Alana and Jason you have hurt me and my family in a way that God can never forgive you, I hate myself because of you. I am disgusted by myself and at my lowest levels I always remember you. And Alana I fucking trusted you in everyway possible. I thought of you as my sister. That thought is gone now and you'll never get it back. You violated my sister in so many ways for a fucking year and I want nothing more than for you to realize that my sister will always remember what you did. That it never goes away. That when she's at her lowest when she's a teen, she will think of you and I hate, I HATE how she'll probably blame me because I blame me too.
Idk how to deal with this pain anymore.