u/Enough_Currency4157

self harm for me has been on and off
when i feel intensely anything (happy or excited) i get a very strong urge to drop everything and harm

its like my default to-go method is this
sad? cut
happy? cut
bored? cut

i wanna get better but i also wanna get worse
i want my friend to notice by the way i vaguely spout random shit but i also dont want her to know
its very contradictory of me i would think so