I really fuck up this semester.
For context, I'm a third year student in college. The semester is nearly done but I can't see myself finishing it. I had done plenty of fuck ups this semester and some with the previous one. I know almost everyone in my class hates me (especially those groups I'm a part of) or tolerates me because I either don't reply or do my part on time. I often procrastinate or find myself unable to do anything (even take a shower) for some time. That has been happening on and off, so there were some days I felt okay but mostly either numb or heavy. They were was even a time I work out for a way to kill myself if needed.
I've been wanting to take a leave of absence weeks ago but my parents talked me out of it. Though, recently the thought of leaving college or life altogether has been getting louder now.
I didn't particularly like my course but I chose it because it seems stable enough. Though now, I hate it more than ever. I can't seem to imagine myself being in that profession in the future anymore.
I just want to live a happy and simple life with no more tests, projects or academics. I don't know if it's just the environment or something wrong with me (I haven't gone to any healthcare professionals). I just don't think college is for me anymore.
I wouldn't mind quitting college and never having a college degree. I plan to get involved or work in my parents' business as an alternative path for my future, if I get the chance in the first place (they're growing old, so someone going to need to manage it on their place or at least ease their burden). I just don't know how they will take it.
I don't know if I used the correct flair.