u/Enough-Spray3961

Okay, i have always been stubborn with myself and never asking out for help whatsoever. Never to my friends nor on the Internet. The result? Generational Fumbles

Not anymore,

I matched with a 31F, she is pretty, and her profile is pretty nice too. She is strong with all her qualities of being a good partner and good listener etc. She says she wants to be friends first and grow onto it, which works for me because im 23 but i honestly consider my dating goals to be a little more mature than casual.

I need advice on how to start an approach, what to consider picking up and what not to talk about or pick up that might trigger anything.

I wanna start with Hi, how are you but whatever helps

So, a bit of context: I’m dating for the first time. I’ve gone on a few first dates. This post is about the last one.

She was 21F, and we were hitting it off quite nicely. Over the days, we talked on chat, then had a 3–4 hour call, twice. She was quite excited to meet me, and honestly, so was I. Took us two weeks because of her exams and my interviews, and yeah there were a few days when she wouldn't reply for hours and yeah kinda pissed me off a bit cause later she told me she went out to drink since the exams were done, with her roommate a F, and forgot to text but anyway, i never met her so i didnt quite let it into my head.

When we met, I got her chocolates, gave her a hug, and we started talking about random things on the street while waiting for food. We grabbed dinner, then walked to her campus. She showed me around, including some dinosaur relics, and things were really nice. We sat on a bench, started eating, and had a great conversation about the world and the environment (those are topics she loves). We were together for 4 hours in fact, I had to end the date because I would’ve missed my transportation. It was already 11:30 PM by then.

I asked her to text me when she got home, and now that I think about it, it was quite a nice date.

We didn’t talk for the next two days. Then she texted: “Hi, I’m sorry for reaching out so late. I’ve been dealing with some things on my end.” I replied, “Just so you know, you can talk to me about anything you’re going through.” She said that was sweet and that she appreciated it. That boosted my ego a bit, so I texted her the next night, “I hope today was better,” because I thought I should take the initiative for a second date.

Well, she never replied. It’s been 10 days already, so I’m convinced she isn’t interested in me or has found someone else, which is fair ig, and well part of the dating game, i accept it

There were times in between chatting and meeting when she mentioned she was scared I was just using her as “experience,” which felt disrespectful because I wasn’t, and i kept it clean and clear about my intentions. I told her that, but yeah…

Let me know what you all think went wrong.

Did i do too much?

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Hi, this is a long read with multiple situations, so please read it and reply.

Currently, I have 6 matches on Hinge. Here is the situation:

First:

One of them texted me “Hi” after 2 days, which is fine. We exchanged a couple of messages. She had shared her Instagram in her match note, but I’m not on social media, so I continued on Hinge. After a few hours, she said it’s fine that I’m not on socials and asked if she could just take my number instead. I replied, “Yeah, that sounds good.” She hasn’t responded since, and it’s been 2 days. My question is: even if she replies now, should I keep my ego aside and text her on the number?

Second:

Another one was already very slow with replies. She asked, “So what are you looking for on Hinge?” I replied, “A genuine relationship, what about you?” She hasn’t responded for 2 days. Same question as above should I follow up? I’m not sure if she’s interested.

Third:

There’s another one she’s older than me but very beautiful in my eyes, with a fascinating life. I tried to build the conversation around her interests (she loves traveling and has been to 10 countries; I’ve only been to 2 since I’m still studying, but I want to travel more in the future). She replies slowly but seems genuine. I want this to work because I feel I like her. However, I ended the conversation yesterday with a “😆” and haven’t texted since because I don’t want to seem boring or like I’m always taking the initiative. My past experiences make me feel that might come across as desperate.

Fourth:

I’ve had many women compliment me. One of them said I’m “very handsome and well put together.” I thanked her and complimented her back sincerely. She didn’t reply for 4 days and then unmatched. Now I’m wondering should I avoid complimenting women and be more nonchalant? That’s not really my personality, but this has happened a lot. I usually like to start conversations slowly because that’s what feels natural to me, but I feel like they get bored and unmatch. A few even called me AI, Bot or fake and well ghosted me.

Fifth:

One hasn’t replied to a simple “Hi, how are you?” for 5 days 😂

Sixth:

Another one was replying very quickly at first, and we were hitting it off nicely. Then suddenly she slowed down and now replies only once every 24 hours. I don’t want to get too bothered, but she seems sweet, so I don’t want to unmatch.

This is the current situation I’m in, I’ve had many blunders previously, and I do find it tough to hold on because I feel like I’m being fooled or something. I’m very open and very chill with replies, I reply fast and love long texting because I do want to connect, and I love taking my time to understand, grow, and then get into serious conversations and maybe a date, but I feel I take too long and obviously it’s a numbers game with women having too many options, so they just unmatch me. So I’m turning into this cold texter because I feel like I recognize the pattern and think, yeah you’re going to ghost or unmatch me, wrong mindset I know, but I’m trying to hold on.

Never been in a relationship, neither do i socialize or talk to people. And yes I start a conversation with 'Hi, how are you', cause i mean it and i cant creep in with any sort of a pickup line, just not me Feel free to advise me