u/EngineeringKind3960

My wife and I live in a different country than our mothers. Before we had children our mothers would visit us once a year or once every two years and stay with us for a few weeks. We also visit our home country every year.

When we had our first son we agreed that he was too young to go to the nursery at 9 months when my wife went back to work so since her mother was retiring she would come live with us for a year to sit with him while we worked. My MIL is not very pushy and does not interfere in our couple life but she has some quirks that makes her hard to live with, which I will mention later.

When my son went to nursery she went back home (she did not do this for free, we paid her mortgage off as a sign of appreciation for her help). That time she stayed with us for about 16 months non-stop.

We managed fine with our son, we did not need any help, but since our second son was born 2 years ago my wife keeps bringing her mom over "to help" but we actually do not need any help. He goes to nursery full time, we have a cleaning lady who cleans our house and all my MIL is doing is cooking and ironing. That's it. I work from home so I stay with the kids most of the time, I take them to nursery, I pick them up, I cook when I can or if my wife cannot do it. Over the past 4 years I think my MIL lived with us for about 2-2.5 years, 2-3 months at a time, sometimes for longer intervals. Over time the little things she has started getting on my nerves (constantly debates with me on things she has no knowledge about and brings stupid arguments to win, constantly interrupts my work by coming into my office unannounced and without knocking to ask about menial things even though I am in meetings, has rude comments, treats me like a child mentioning that how would we cope if she wasn't here to help us, gives clearly bad advice that is not even asked, etc) , I never complained until a few months ago when I told my wife I would like to rely on her mother's help as little as possible from now on. She said yeah, no problem. Then proceeded to bring her back for 2.5 months. I again told her that I am not comfortable living with her mom and I would really appreciate if we could be by ourselves as much as possible since we do not actually need any help and we manage fine on our own (trying to be diplomatic about it).

Recently I had some medical issues and I need to have surgery next month so we agreed that her mom will come to help with the kids while I recover which should be 2-3 weeks. We bought plane tickets for her last night but when I asked how long she wanted her to stay she said it would be good for her mother to cover the summer holidays too...so about 3 months. Even though our youngest has full time paid nursery and our older has the option of holiday club and I can manage with him at home while I work if need be. I then said I would prefer it if she didn't stay with us for so long. Then my wife got really upset, we had the worst fight, said that we owe her mother and that I am not grateful for all she did for us, all the help she gave us. I lost my temper as well, which I now regret and brought up stuff I suppressed for so long, how she brought her mother with us on all our vacations without asking me if I am ok with it, how she always takes her side, I can never say anything to her mother (even though many times does dangerous stuff like forgets to unplug the iron she used for ironing or forgets a pot she put on the stove to boil and then watches TV and the water boils to nothing and the pot just gets hot red, risking a fire. And when I said something to her, to be more careful in the nicest way possible my wife told me off).

It is also inconvenient for her to live with us. We had to convert one of our smallest bedrooms into a home office for my work and we only have 3 bedrooms left. So the youngest son has to co-sleep with us so we can keep what should be his bedroom for my MIL. This is very disruptive and I think we would benefit from moving him into his own room.

I really think we can manage just fine on our own and we do not need MIL to help with anything and frankly I want to not live in the same house as her, maybe that is one of my faults, that I feel more comfortable with only my family. I am grateful for the help she gave us but I do not feel we owe her anything (since she mentions how much she loves staying with us and she admits she doesn't do much when she is here anyway) but now that I had this argument with my wife I feel guilty and wondering if I should be more tolerant or should sacrifice some of my comfort to allow her mom to come and "help" more often. I guess I am feeling pretty shit that I made my wife feel bad and I know she must feel awful being caught between the desire to have her mom closer and me being unhappy while her mother is here.

My next door neighbour had her gallbladder removed last week and I will have my surgery 5 weeks from now. When I saw her a few days ago I asked how it went and how she feels and she mentioned she was put on a liver shrinking diet or something like that because ahe is overweight.

Is there a threshold at which that is required? I have a BMI of 28 so I am overweight but that is deceiving I think, while I am carrying some fat I also have some muscle mass since I've been lifting weights recreationally for 20 years.

The diet sounds brutal, basically starving for 2 weeks.

The NHS website doean't mention what are the criteria for going on the diet other than BMI: under 50 for 2 weeks, over 50 for 4 weeks.

I will have my gallbladder removal surgery in 5 weeks. I suffer with quite intense hay fever which I keep in check with medication but even with antihistamines I sneeze about 10-15 times a day, even more, many are unavoidable. June will be the highest season for grass pollen in the UK so I am wondering if I can get a rupture or a hernia from sneezing immediately after surgery. I will try to stay indoors as much as possible for the first week or two but even so I still think I will cough and sneeze a lot. I also have hay fever induced asthma which can cause me to cough more than normal.

I have been living in the UK for a long time and will have my surgery here, but I am originally from Romania. While researching about the procedure and recovery I checked some sources from Romania, doctors who spoke about the colecystectomy procedure in interviews but also patients who described their experience and recovery and they all mentioned that the recommendation over there is to strictly avoid fats for the first month after gallbladder removal and have bland diet of boiled lean meat, rice etc..

On the other hand when I met with my surgeon in the UK he told me that there will be no dietary restrictions and I can eat normally almost straight away. I read about people here and in the US having takeaway or "regular" food the first day after surgery. I am wondering why this is, why is there such a discrepancy in recovery advice regarding the diet between medical systems?

For muself I will definitelly take it easy and will gradually reintroduce fats into my diet just to ve extra careful.

I will have my gallbladder removed in a few weeks. I have two boys 4yo and 2yo and they are intense so my wife will fly her mother in to help around the house with stuff while I am recovering. But I was wondering how long will it be until I return to most of my daily activities. I am working from home and I am the only one that drives so I am taking both kids to nursery and picking them up, I do most of the shopping (but I can switch to delivery for a few weeks). So I am wondering if 2-3 weeks is enough for me to resume driving, helping around the house with the children, like tidying up after them, put their bikes and electric cars back in the shed, mow the lawn, take out the bins...regular around the house chores, nothing crazy. I am an engineer so I have a desk job, so nothing strenuous on that side. I will take the two weeks off work suggested by the doctor anyway.