Hi. I'm not feeling very ok today. The car I was driving was just repossessed.
I'm 29F, 9 months into the process of getting divorced. I left my abuser and took our toddler with me. We're with my parents. It's been some of the worst months of my entire life. But also, it's better than it was, because we are safe. Court order gave me custody of my son and my ex has supervised visitation through a court appointed agency. Right now, it is less than an hour a week.
My ex has slandered me, has harassed me by constantly asking for money, has locked me out of accounts (leading to the leased vehicle I was driving being reposessed), has refused to return my paid off car that I've had since before we were married, has refused to put the house on the market until it has reached the point of foreclosure, and has done everything possible to make this divorce a living hell.
I have no idea what is waiting for me on the other side of this. Probably bankruptcy. Never being able to stand on my feel again. A nonexistent credit score.
I work hard. I love my son with all my heart. I'm a healthcare worker, I work nights as a nursing assistant. I care deeply for my patients. I'm a compassionate and caring person. And my parents help me out with my sweet and amazing little boy. I want to go back to school, become a RN, and make a better life for us. But I'm overwhelmed and scared. I feel like I am the worst person on earth and that's why bad things happen to me. I don't think I have what it takes to handle this life, and sometimes I really don't want to be here anymore, but I know I HAVE to, because my son needs me to protect him from an abusive father.
It feels like this will never end.
I know that's just a feeling, but I needed to write it down somewhere.