I (34F) have been married to my husband (36M) for over 7 years. His niece (14F) was recently diagnosed with leukaemia and started chemo a few weeks ago. It’s been heartbreaking for the entire family, most of all his sister and her husband.
I love his niece dearly, and because we're all pretty tight knit, I’ve been able to/ been helping however its needed. Bringing meals over, helping clean and take care of issues with school etc and visited regularly whenever they needed support.
A few days ago, my husband told me that alot of his family were planning to shave their heads in solidarity when she starts getting to the stage of losing her hair and he said it'd be good if I did it too since I'm always around her and the family as well.
This is where we had a conflict of opinion bc while I cared deeply about his niece and was as supportive as could be, I didn’t want to shave my head. As most women i assume, I have long hair that I’ve been growing out for years, and while I know that probably sounds vain, it’s honestly not about vanity. I just genuinely don’t understand how me shaving my head would actually help her. Because I'd rather keep showing up in practical ways than make some symbolic gesture I’m not comfortable with.
He got upset and said I was being selfish and making this about me and said it was just hair and that it would mean a lot to his niece and sister to see people supporting her that way. My husband is already bald from male pattern baldness, and he said that if he had hair, he’d shave it too without hesitation, which added alot of fuel to the fight.
Harsh words were exchanged and I was very definitive at the end that he couldn't guilt trip me into this. His sister hasn’t said anything directly to me, but I can tell my husband mentioned it because things have felt a little awkward.
But with the way that I am, I am slipping into insecurity and wondering if I am being stubborn and insensitive about this without realising it. AITAH?