u/EnergyConstant7802

I apologize in advance if this is the wrong sub-reddit, I have no idea where to ask for help.

I'm seeing a guy (28) who has been "high for a decade." He likes to get high at least twice a day, through wax, smoking , or elfthc (idk, I've seen so many).

His house is extremely messy. There is no trash can, at all. He doesn't cook, only eat out, and his house is full of rotten everything. I can't find the floor in his bedroom. His dirty laundry trails from the laundry machine to the front door to the bathroom to the bed. I can smell his house from standing outside the front door.

I also worry about his cats, because their litter box is scattered all over the floor and they eat literally whatever he feels like feeding them (sometimes noodles, sometimes cat food). Apart from his home, his personal life isn't doing great; He's a lawyer, but has debt. He stopped pursing his hobbies.

Every time I come over to his house, I get so heartbroken. I can't find it inside me to ask him if he's okay. I heard that people who smoke weed find it easy to be complacent with everything. But why does he smoke so much? Even when I'm there with him, isn't he happy enough with me? He's mentioned that he is on part of the autism spectrum. I can't figure out if his messy home is a reflection of depression, being constantly high, or being high-functioning autistic. I have no right to interfere or mother him, but it breaks my heart to see his home like this. What can I do, if nothing?

Edit:

We are not dating. We met on Hinge and talked for 2 months. Now that I've seen the state of his home and know his personal life better, I feel conflicted, confused, and sad.

2nd, I wanted to digest my thoughts on Reddit and Chatgpt before I talk to him. No need to remind me.

Edit 2:

Thank you to everyone clarifying that it's not weed. 90% of you are saying depression and/or personality. I think Autism is playing a large part still.

There is a man I met, who I think is absolutely wonderful... when sober.

Visually, he's tall, built, and handsome.

I enjoy his personality and talking to him. He's a lawyer and naturally inquisitive. He loves reading the news, sharing interesting facts with me, and pondering both serious topics and the ridiculous. I love that there is a man who can match my curiosity, intellect, but also laugh over dumb things like farts.

Most of all, when we spend time together, he's very considerate and likes to reassure me (like kissing my forehead to apologize, a small hug in front of other women so they know he's taken, apologizing and clearing things up as soon as he can). Our love languages match perfectly, which is really, really rare for me.

But he has a horrible addiction to weed. He's been "high for a decade." He likes to get smoke on our dates sometimes. Then they become slow and awkward, bc he's spacing out, I don't know what he's talking about, or he's giggling over something I have no idea what.

His apartment is crazy messy. He can't balance money. His cats are not neutered, don't have a clean space, and aren't fed appropriately (he always feeds them a bit of whatever we had, be it brownies, noodles, or sushi, bc it will "just give them diarrhea," and they should "live a little," bc "we're all going to die one day, anyway."

Apart from the messy life, he can't perform (which, tbr honest, I have no idea if it is related). Sometimes, he gets lazy or falls asleep. Sometimes, he gets nervous and tries to overcompensate. Last time I saw him, he ran to take some libido pill.

It honestly just breaks my heart. I know better to change a man, but I do care about him so much.