okay i need advice bc i feel like im actually going crazy
i’ve been in this situationship w this guy for a while. we were talking consistently from like feb/march 2025 until october when he started acting distant and i stopped talking to him bc i felt hurt and wasn’t about to beg for attention. turns out he got a gf and said he “didn’t know how to tell me” bc i unadded him on snap (even tho we literally have each other’s numbers lol).
when i found out i was sick over it. we stopped talking for a bit but eventually started again around new years bc i missed him so bad and he was asking about me. since then it’s just been… messy. he hasn’t set clear boundaries at all. one time we literally made out and hooked up in his kitchen while he has a whole girlfriend. he told me “that’s not fair to you” after but like… it still happened??
it’s been so hard watching him be happy w her, posting her, all that. but at the same time he still talks to me and says he’s “here for me” which just confuses me more. every time we talk i feel okay for a second and then i crash and feel worse after. like i’ll be crying for days over him.
it got so bad at one point i attempted and ended up in the hospital for a week. i’m on meds now and was supposed to be doing therapy but i kinda stopped going. i also quit my job recently (we worked together and it was just too much w everything + people asking about him and his gf all the time).
i feel so stupid bc i know this situation is hurting me but i can’t let go. i feel like i’m losing pieces of myself but at the same time i don’t wanna lose him. like i literally feel like i’d rather lose myself than lose him and i know that sounds insane.
i wanna tell him how much he’s hurt me even tho we’ve already talked about it before. part of me wants to just beg him to understand me and hold me. but i also know talking to him just keeps restarting everything.
i’m thinking about sending something like “staying in contact has been really hard. i wish you well” and just cutting it off but i feel so guilty?? like i feel like i’m doing something wrong even tho i know i’m not.
how do you actually let go of someone when you’re this attached?? and how do you deal w the guilt of walking away when they didn’t technically do anything “wrong” to you recently?
i just feel stuck and exhausted