UPDATE-Identifying theft, police, move out drama
Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/MOG2YeP1Pk
After my first post, I finally sat my boyfriend down and told him the full extent of the debt his birth giver racked up in his name. At first he didn’t grasp how serious it was, and then it hit him all at once and he kind of spiraled for a minute. We went to grab food and talked through next steps.
The next day we went to the police station to file a report. I say tried because the officer we spoke to kept saying things like “I don’t want to break up families” and talking about his own sister’s drug issues. I understand having empathy, but this is identity theft and it’s literally his job to take a report. We later found out he never actually filed it.
Later that same day, that officer went to the house himself and spoke to the birth giver. He told her that my boyfriend was investigating identity theft and that her email was connected to several of the accounts. That led to her texting my boyfriend, “Call the cops back and tell them your debt is paid off or I’m going to jail,” and the sperm donor texting him, “I can’t believe you called the cops.”
Cue the whirlwind.
The next day, the sperm donor sent a very official-looking but not actually official “legal notice” saying my boyfriend needed to remove his car from the property or he’d be charged storage fees. Mind you, that was still his legal residence for a few more days. We moved the car anyway just to avoid the drama.
We sent back our own “legal” notice (we know it wasn’t legally binding, he was just mad) saying he’d be moving out within 30 days and for them not to touch his belongings or his mail. Important detail: the birth giver has opened his mail before, which now makes a lot more sense.
Then the sperm donor tried to tell him he had three days to move out. Over text. Which we now know is not legal.
My boyfriend called the police department to get a copy of the report and found out the first officer never filed anything. Thankfully a different officer helped us start a real report and take an official statement. We told them about the texts and that we’d be going to move his stuff, and they told us to call if things got out of hand. Spoiler: they did.
We went to start packing his things and found a “notice to quit” sitting on his dresser. It wasn’t legally served, but honestly it worked in our favor because it proved he still legally lived there.
About 15 minutes into packing, the sperm donor went into the room and asked to speak to my boyfriend privately. We made the mistake of separating for a minute. When I went back to the room, the door was mostly closed. I tried to open it and the sperm donor tried to slam it shut, but slammed it into my foot instead. He started yelling “No, no, no” at me while physically blocking the door. I called the cops.
I went out to my car to wait. Before the cops arrived, the sperm donor came outside screaming that I was trespassing and to leave. So I left because I wasn’t trying to catch a charge myself.
Long story short, we left that day after the cops came. A few days later, my boyfriend went back alone and spent eight hours packing everything and we moved it all into storage.
Today he went back for two items he couldn’t grab before, and suddenly the sperm donor completely flipped the script. Now he’s saying my boyfriend is welcome back anytime, asking how much the debt is, offering to pay him back in cash, then saying he can only do $500 a month because they’re tight on money.
That’s where we’re at. There’s honestly so much more I’m leaving out, but this is already a novel. Thankfully my whole family has been there for him and reminding him he’s not alone in this and we’re going to get through it.
If you have any advice on what to next that would be appreciated