u/EmphasisForsaken

I have just recently ruined my entire life because of a lack of faith and a struggle to find God and a struggle with many different things from mental health struggles to ways of thinking that have destroyed my life, taken the people I love and planned a future with away from me and all together have left me feeling so scared and so alone and so scared that if I don’t find God the right way that my life will never be okay and I will never be able to have him forgive me for the mistakes I have made in this life. Please please if there is anyone who is willing to help me to learn the Bible, to learn with God. To learn to worship him and to be with him and to fix my mess of a life I would really truly appreciate it. In the current moment I think I will just be damned if I don’t find him and love him and worship him and I have never had proper faith or a proper relationship with him. I pushed away the one person who was willing to help me learn and teach me and love him on my path to finding God and I genuinely don’t know what to do or where to start but I don’t want to live a life away from him anymore. Please help me to find God in whatever way you can help me, someone please help me to learn to worship him properly.

How do I deal with the pain after he’s left, how do I cope with the fact that all I can think about is our years of a relationship, think about the person I miss, think about how I hope that he will come home? I’m hopeful because we still talk daily and yet I feel worried and destroyed because this person I’m talking to is not the same person that I see in my mind that I fell in love with. The mania in the current moment has completely taken over, started Mildly concerning and has gotten progressively worse over about a month and a half to two months. He only actually left a few weeks ago but it was sudden and abrupt and it all felt fine. He says that he wants a future yet in the current state he’s in I don’t believe that he’s truly planning that in a proper way. He is not medicated and does not believe that he has an issue. I just yearn for my partner back and it is destroying me every single day. Important to mention there are also some heavy lifestyle changes and delusions at the moment. Please tell me that they come back, both physically and emotionally and as some semblance of a person I once knew and dearly love. I love him so very much, even still now but I don’t know what to think or how to cope and I don’t know how long is takes for mania with strong delusions to resolve without medication. He’s left before but he’s never been gone this long, has similar episodes before but they were much shorter. Someone please tell me what to expect, think and do because I don’t know what to do right now.