TLDR: Mom recently married my father, whom I have no relationship with because I don’t like him as a person, and she wants me to forgive and forget so we can play happy family.
Longer version:
For some background, my (21 F) parents (55F and 58M) met in their 30s when my father was allegedly separated but still married to his second wife. Their affair resulted in yours truly as well as a fight in which my mom decided to fly back to her country shortly after i was born. According to family, my father would financially contribute the bare minimum when i was growing up since he never formally agreed to child support. This checks out because he doesn’t manage his finances wisely (he doesn’t have a savings account, retirement account, house, or good car but he has lots of debt).
When i turned 7 y.o, my mom sent my grandma and I on a 2-week trip to meet my father for the first time. He never bothered getting to know me or telling me about himself, so he was (is) just a stranger. While in the busy mall foodcourt, he bought me a soup that had a bunch of vegetables i didn’t like (i couldn’t handle spicy and was a bit of a picky eater). He then proceeded to forcibly grip my neck and shove my face towards the plate while yelling at me to stop wasting his money and eat the soup, using his other hand to shove the spoon into my mouth. I started crying cause he was hurting and scaring me, but he wouldn't stop despite my grandma begging him to let me go.
Later in my teens, my mom forced me to leave the country to move in with her and my father in a cramped one-bedroom apartment. On one occasion, i was being bratty and arguing with my mom about something insignificant when he interrupts us to start yelling at me. Since he means nothing to me, i talk back and threaten to call the police on him. This infuriates him causing him to lounge at me while screaming that he’s gonna kill me before i make the call. I started crying and ran to hide in the closet as he starts banging/pulling on the door to get it open. He keeps yelling at me to get out so that he can hit me but i pulled on the door with all my strength to keep it closed. While this is going on, my mom is doing nothing and just letting it happen. This might have been his worst outburst towards me, but every single one of them scares me all the same to the point where i cry about it whenever i recall these events.
Honorable mentions:
-He has gotten a felony for assault.
-My older step brothers went no contact with him for unknown reasons.
-He would make weird comments about my and my friends’ bodies when we were teens.
-He always forces me to hug him despite me being openly uncomfortable.
-He has threatened to run over my grandma because she thinks he’s misogynist trash.
All these years, i’ve been under the impression that my mom doesn’t like him and is only living with him because he pays the rent. She also constantly reassured me that she’s gotten over him and does not love him anymore. As a result, she and I became close over the past 4 years.
Today, she sent me a letter saying that she has loved him this entire time and married him this week, but still hopes our mother-daughter relationship can remain unchanged. I lowkenuinely lost all respect i had for her when I read that stupid letter.
Some family members are saying that I’m overreacting as “all dads yell at their kids” and “he has not physically abused you so you should just forgive and forget”. I’ll admit there are definitely worse fathers out there, so AIO? Should I get over this and stop being scared of him? Or is it reasonable for me to remain low contact?
Sorry for the long post, I tried to fit the events I consider relevant to the story.