Think My Ex Has BPD
I am an 18 year old male and I am currently going through a breakup. We’ve been on no contact for about 3 weeks now and I’m healing and I’ve gotten a lot better but there’s still obviously some pain. A lot of the pain stemmed from my confusion over how things ended but recently I’ve looked more into BPD and I definitely think my ex has it and it explains a lot of her actions and make things make more sense.
To add context, we worked at the movie theater together and we were friends for a little while before we got together. Not super close friends but friends. I liked her for a while but I knew she was talking to one of my coworkers at the time so I decided not to pursue. Until eventually one day we were talking and she asked me if I played Fortnite. I said yes and we started playing together a lot. Very soon she started texting me constantly and very obviously flirting. She was giving me so much attention and she even told me she loved me before we even went on a date. Eventually she told me she liked me and we ended up getting together.
Throughout the relationship, she would often shower me with affection. I was her profile picture on all her social media, she wrote long paragraphs to me talking about her love for me, she made a painting and homemade cards for me for Valentine’s day, she constantly wanted to hang out and be around me, she journaled about me, etc. However, it was a constant problem that she absolutely NEEDED my attention constantly. She couldn’t function without it and would get super sad and angry if I couldn’t hang out or if I went out with my friends. She would insult me and tell me to go fuck myself, that I should leave, that I should just have my friends since I wanted them so bad. Then, after the argument would end she would go back to loving me and showering me with affection. There were times she would threaten suicide. She would constantly bash herself and didn’t take compliments well at all. If things didn’t go exactly her way, it was like the sky was falling and she could only focus on that. She would get angry at things that didn’t even make sense. It was like she looked for reasons to start problems. Eventually, one day we had an argument and I told her that I wasn’t going to cut my friends out of my life for her and if she was going to keep making it a problem that I wanted to see them that I wasn’t going to tolerate that and I would leave. She then started begging me to stay after she had just been berating me with insults and telling me she wanted to break up. She agreed to try to be more comfortable with me seeing my friends and it seemed like things were getting better for the next week. Until they weren’t.
Eventually, I found out she cheated on me with the coworker she was talking to before me. Not even a week before she cheated she was talking to me about getting promise rings and matching tattoos and talking to me how she always did. She said she started talking to him again after I said I would leave and she realized she still had feelings for him. She said they couldn’t be together before because he wasn’t ready and last time we talked she said she wasn’t sure if they’re going to get into a relationship or not but she obviously was actively talking to him and seeing him. Obviously, I was heartbroken and furious for a while. I couldn’t understand how I could just be discarded so quickly after it seemed like we had something so special. Like it all didn’t even matter. Looking back I feel stupid for avoiding red flags like her saying how she was in so many toxic relationships and the fact that things moved along so quickly at the start. Part of me still feels love and empathy for her especially since I know she’s had a fucked up family life. Part of me even wants her back but I know she’s not right for me.
Anyways, sorry for the lengthy post. I guess I just wanted to share my story and see if you guys had similar experiences and if this sounds like she had BPD. After looking into it more, it definitely seems like she has most of the symptoms. The only thing that I can say is different with her than most stories is that she never really placed blame on me which seems to be a common theme for BPD partners. Especially after the breakup. She acknowledged that what she did was terrible and that I was right to be angry and she never tried to say it was my fault that it happened.