So alot of people in my life thought i was on the spectrum. I made a post on here and people suggested it. I thought maybe people were poking fun at me. Then my therapist suggested i might be (randomly). I figured shit may be serious since a licensed professional suggested it. So i went for a pretty lengthy eval. Turns out i have level 1 asd.
Its all pretty surreal right now. Im damn near 30 years old and my whole life i knew i was a bit different but not so much different that its a diagnosis. I know i can handle myself because all i have been doing is handling these symptoms my whole life.
It makes me a bit self conscious mostly romantically lol. With friends and family i can try to "act normal". But women typically want me to be myself. And autism is something that is seen as "cute and quirky" but its not really. When they see that i think theyll be turned off.
That wont stop me from trying to find my wife and loving friendships because i have to keep trying. But man this is all so hard. Sometimes i feel like the odds are against me already being a black masculine lesbian. But im going to keep trying my best like i was doing before. Its all very surreal thats all. It is starting to annoy me more and more when people say to me "we all are on the spectrum ". Because no. The more i learn about how neurotypical people function, the more i realize how my brain works is fundamentally different in a way that genuinely can disrupt my life.
Anyway, thank you for reading my ramble. I hope you all have a great day. ❤️