I'm Too Nice to Strangers - Help With Boundaries?
I (44F) recently moved. This was a good change and I've gone from basically being a shut-in, to going out daily to coffee shops, little grocery stores, and the gym. I live in a large-ish city, but I'm not super adventurous, so I frequent the same places in my neighborhood. This means I see often run into the same people wherever I go.
Although I get basic small-talk or smiles of acknowledgement from the women who recognize me, and younger men ignore me, I seem to be an older-man-magnet. Older men get into long conversations with me, ask me out (always "as friends"), and get more physical with hugs or even once touching my cheek and hair. *shudders* This has been an issue since my 20s, but when I was struggling with agoraphobia and not going out, it stopped being a problem. I didn't think it would be a problem now, because I'm no longer as "cute" as I used to be.
I'm still cute enough apparently, or I come off as too friendly, too approachable? I'm not flirting with anyone. I smile and do small-talk, that's it. I'm slightly on the spectrum so there could be cues I'm giving that I'm unaware of, I guess.
How do I exist in my new world without garnering unwelcome attention? Do I need to practice my resting bitch face? I'm not a confrontational person, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings because I'm quite sensitive myself. But I'd also like to frequent the same coffee shop or frutaria without worrying about lunch invitations or casual touches from strangers.
I thought one of the benefits of aging as a woman, was becoming more invisible. :(
This is a throw-away because I'm too embarrassed to confess to friends and family that I have this problem. I'm 44 freaking years old, I should be able to set simple boundaries. But I can't, so I'm here.