I’m 31 and I have to admit that
I've never been in love.
Romantic relationships are something I've always struggled with. I've had my share of connections but have never had the opportunity to be someone’s boyfriend . My inner avoider seems to stop me from opening up fully, probably out of fear of getting hurt.l've carried a quiet loneliness all my life
Only child. I spent a lot of my childhood alone. It's made me hyper independent but sometimes to the point I feel like I won't be able to find or depend on another person.I use perfectionism as a vehicle for avoidance.
Whether it's posting a video, trying a new idea or having a tough conversation. I often tell myself it's not quite ready yet or it's not the right time. Perfection doesn't exist, yet it's a trap I still fall into.I get stuck in my own head. A lot.
Overanalysing. Overthinking. Trying to optimise every aspect of my life. It's helped me succeed in some areas but held me back in many others. ChatGPT has been my unofficial therapist and a phenomenal tool for self reflection. But I sometimes worry that I get caught in my own echo-chamber.I often use TV series/movies as an escape.
As a way to run away from reality or distract myself from figuring out what I'm actually going to do with my life. It's worked for a while, but lately, I find myself craving consistency and connection more than novelty and adventure.I have a complicated relationship with my father.
It's something I've struggled with for a long time. I find it difficult to speak about but it's shaped a lot of who I am. It's something I'm actively working through.I often feel like I need to prove my worth to be liked.
I've always had this underlying feeling that I need to entertain, impress, or provide value for people to want me around. I'm trying to learn it's okay to just exist and not perform all the time.
Hope this helps you feel less alone on your journey.