AITAH For calling my parents my "sperm donor" and "surrogate", and refusing a relationship with my biological sister?
Im a 24yo female, my biological parents left me with close family friends when I was 5 while they moved to Australia to “settle.” I stayed with them until I was 9. I was meant to move at 7 but my mum got pregnant again so they delayed it cause a newborn and another kid was too much.
When I finally moved to Australia my younger sister had already been born a year before. From the start it just didn’t feel like I belonged there. It felt like I was living with strangers. My sister was always the priority which I understand but I was kinda just there. In my first year they even forgot to pick me up from school a few times and said they were “used to not having me around.” During that time i was also emotionally abused by mother, who was going through her own stuff and would tell me to end myself whenever i forgot mop the floors or clean up my sisters toys.
At 12 I told them I wanted to go back to the family friends I had before. Around the same time my mum got pregnant again. Eventually they agreed it would be best if I left. So I went back and those family friends fully took me in and raised me. My biological parents later signed away their rights. They used to send money monthly but then it stopped and my guardians didn’t really care, they just treated me like their kid.
I built my life there, made a really close friend group (4 girls 3 boys) and we are super close. We go on trips every year and we are very playful like joking insults, swearing, sometimes hitting each other lightly. Thats just how we are.
Recently my biological sister found me on Instagram and reached out wanting to reconnect. After talking for a few months she asked to visit. I said yes and she came for 3 weeks with permission from my biological parents.
It was honestly awkward. She kept telling my friends to stop joking around or stop “hitting each other” even after I explained thats just how we are. Then she started swearing at them too like she knew them well but it made everyone uncomfortable.
She also made comments like “you’re not your dad why are you acting like it” when I was joking with my father figure (on of the family friends who raised me)
After she left I didnt really continue contact. I still wished her happy birthday but thats it.
Recently she messaged asking to come again. I said no. She got passive aggressive and then involved my biological parents. I ended up telling them I dont see them as my family, and that in my eyes they are my “sperm donor” and “surrogate”,
Now they are all upset and saying I’m cruel and shutting them out for no reason.
So AITA?
Note: this isn't my actual account as some ppl from my uni and work have my actual acc
Update:
UPDATE: i genuinely wish i never posted this.
A yesterday night after my original post, my biological sister somehow found it. I still dont know if someone sent it to her or if she recognized the story herself but she messaged me furious saying I “humiliated” her and our biological parents online and made them sound like monsters “over a few mistakes.”
That honestly made me snap because to me abandoning your child twice, forgetting them at school repeatedly and telling them to end themselves over chores is NOT “a few mistakes.”
Apparently she showed the post to my biological parents too which turned into a complete disaster.
My biological mother sent me this HUGE paragraph and honestly i just stared at my phone after reading it:
“You have absolutely no idea what things were like back then. You where too young to understand the pressure we were under. Moving countries was difficult, money was tight, I was struggling mentally and physically and then I had another baby to take care of. I was overwhelmed all the time and I made mistakes but I was trying my best. Do you know how painful it is to see your own daughter reduce you to a ‘surrogate’ online for strangers to judge? You act like we abandoned you for fun when in reality we sacrificed everything to build a stable life for this family. We thought sending you back was what YOU wanted because you where unhappy here and bonded more with them anyway. We never stopped loving you. We sent money for years even after you left and we always hoped one day you would understand things from an adult perspective instead of holding onto childhood resentment forever. I am sorry if some things I said hurt you but you have to understand I was in a terrible place mentally and sometimes people say things they dont mean. You talk about your trauma but never once think about what this has done to us as parents. Your sister has been crying for days because all she wanted was to know you and now she feels hated for existing. I dont know why your so determined to punish us for things that happened over a decade ago.”
And honestly? Reading that changed something in me because not ONCE in that entire paragraph was there an actual apology. It was just excuse after excuse mixed with guilt tripping.
Then my biological father called me crying saying he “didnt realize I still carried all this anger.” Which honestly annoyed me because what exactly did he think happened? That a child gets abandoned twice and just magically moves on?
The weirdest part of all this is that my actual parents, the people who raised me from 12 onwards, where more angry reading her message then I was.
As for my biological sister, I honestly do feel bad for her. I think she grew up with a completely different version of events and genuinely thought reconnecting would be like some emotional reunion movie.
Right now I’ve blocked my biological parents because the constant messages where becoming to much.
Before I blocked her, my biological sister sent one final message saying she hopes someday I “stop being bitter enough to have a real family again.”
That actually made things easier for me because I already do have a real family.