u/Emotional-Apple6663

▲ 3 r/redditonwiki+1 crossposts

I (30M) live in Toronto and rent out one room in my flat. I’m originally from India and I specifically advertised the room as Indian female only.

It’s mainly for cultural compatibility, food habits, language comfort, etc. I’ve had issues in the past with mismatched expectations around cooking, guests, cleanliness standards, and so on, so I decided to be very clear this time.

A few weeks ago, a woman reached out from abroad. She had an Indian-sounding name, said she understood the expectations, and everything seemed fine over messages and calls. I agreed and held the room for her.

She arrived yesterday. The moment she started speaking, I noticed her accent didn’t sound Indian at all, more like French. It felt off, so I asked her directly where she was from. She admitted she’s not Indian and is actually from an african country called Mauritius.

Now apparently Mauritius has people of Indian origin, but she clearly isn’t culturally Indian in the way I meant in my ad, and I feel like she misrepresented herself to secure the place. If she had been upfront, I wouldn’t have agreed. She does not speak any Hindi or Punjabi.

Because of that, I told her she has 5 days to find another place and that I’ll be looking for a new flatmate who fits what I originally specified.

She got upset and said she didn’t think it mattered that much and that I was being unfair, especially since she just arrived in a new country.

I understand it’s inconvenient, but I also feel deceived and don’t think I should be forced into a living situation I explicitly tried to avoid.

Now I’m wondering if I’m being too rigid about this or if I’m justified since I was clear from the start.

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u/Emotional-Apple6663 — 9 days ago
▲ 403 r/redditonwiki+1 crossposts

This happened last week, but my wife is still upset and got me thinking. So our son was invited to a sleep over and my wife is against sleepovers, she thinks they should not happen at all. So the agreement was he can go but one of us would pick him up at 10.

I went to pick him up, but when I went to get him he begged me to stay. It appears in the morning they were going for breakfast, and then to an indoor arcade / gokarts. It seems like he was having a blast so I said sure and told him to have fun.

Went back home, and she was not pleased when I came back without him. I explained they had plans in the morning to get breakfast and go to an arcade / gokarts. Also told her he appeared to be having a lot of fun. She did not care, she wanted to go get him herself, I said let him have his fun. She hates sleepovers, she does not trust other parents. I know by doing what I did I broke her trust with me, but he was having fun and begged me.

I have tried to talk to her since, but she feels I disregarded how she felt and showed a complete lack of respect towards her. Which I do get, and did apoglize for how she feels, but I also don't think what I did was wrong. Our son was having fun, and I don't think her issues alone should be enough to trump my feeling.

Our son had a blast with his friends, and I think she should take that into account. I am a little bit of a mess cause our son has noticed we are not talking and he is starting to feel like it is his fault. Which I don't want him to feel, because it is not. She simply will not budge she really is hurt.

I am torn am I the asshole in this situation? I don't think anyone is the asshole but open to different perspectives.

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u/Emotional-Apple6663 — 14 days ago