AITA for telling my best friend’s sister that I don’t want to ever be around her bf
Hi THT crew!! I’ve listened to literally every single episode of Two Hot Takes AND Father Knows Best and loveeee you guys so much 😭 I genuinely need your advice because I feel so conflicted but also correct at the same time.
I (F29) have had a best friend of 15+ years (F31) since high school. We grew up together and still live within walking distance from each other. Her little sister (F24) — who I’ve known since she was basically a little girl is dating this guy for just under a year. Our family/friend group is compiled of ALL POC and LGBT folks and have all have always been super aligned politically and socially (liberal/leftist) The little sister has historically only dated men of color and was very outspoken/active politically even as a teen which I admired!
Recently, she started dating a guy who is Jewish, rich, white and straight who has blatantly claimed Zionist views and is also classist. From the beginning, I felt uncomfortable with some of the things I heard about him and honestly didn’t really want to be around him because some of his beliefs feel fundamentally against my values. He even lied to my best friends little sister on their first dates about political alignment only to confess to her months later that he lied to date her.
When she started talking about moving in together, I panicked bc I don’t want to be around him any more than I have to and if she moves in with him I don’t want to go to their home. So I ended up having a conversation with her where I basically said I was struggling with the relationship and compared it to when women of color end up with moderate/conservative finance-bro type men and slowly stop speaking up politically. She later told me I made her feel like a “sellout” and like I reduced her to a stereotype instead of asking questions and trying to understand the relationship more deeply.
Now we’re in this conflict because she feels judged, while I feel like I’m being asked to overlook values that feel morally serious to me. She also pointed out that she and her sister supported me through previous relationships with shitty boyfriends and tried to get to know people I loved even when they had concerns but I said you can’t compare cheating on me to Zionism, racism, transphobia, etc. I told her I understand why that feels hypocritical, but to me there’s a difference between someone being a bad partner vs. someone holding political beliefs that are fundamentally harmful and incompatible with our shared values.
The thing is… I really love her and don’t WANT to lose the friendship with her or my best friend. But I also don’t know how to be authentic if I genuinely feel disturbed by some of this.
Am I the asshole for confronting my best friend’s littler sister about her Zionist bf?