Last year I (31F) started dating and got into a relationship with a good friend of mine and turned out he had insane binding anxiety and just couldn't commit. It ruined the friendship. After that I dated around casually, had some fun and then started dating seriously again, because I would love to have a family at some point. Went through so many dates with guys.. some dates were fun but not compatible, some dates were scary as they turned out to be creepy, one guy even made me so scared I didn't dare to leave my house for like 2 weeks, another guy tried setting me up with a friend of his on our date, some turned into friends. Then last January I met this guy that I was insanely compatible with, we fell in love, he asked me to be his girlfriend and then after that he started pulling away and yesterday I got broken up with through text for the first time in my life after almost 2 months of relationship. I'm just so tired of it all.
Thing is, I'm ready for something serious and lasting. Something real that isn't perfect, but my God, going through dating again and having to open myself up again sounds so tiring. Right now I'm just going to focus on myself and my friends and family.
I'm tired of the 'it's not you, it's me, I just can't commit'. 'You're amazing, the most patient and beautiful person I've ever met, but it's just not working for me'.
My friends and family keep saying that I'm such a fun and amazing and beautiful person and that I will find someone or they'll eat their shoe. I'm starting to doubt it. I am pretty sure I'm not the problem, but it's really chipping away at my confidence. At least, my recent exes and friends and family say I'm not the problem and I think I'm adult enough to admit when I make mistakes, I've just been a loyal and fun and chill girlfriend with my last exes, however people keep pulling away so much that I sometimes start to doubt myself.
This was just a rant tbh. I'm tough and I'll be fine, I'm doing well in every other aspect in my life. Just needed to write this down somewhere.