Difficulty in moving on
I [22M] had my first relationship ever last year. It was short-term and ended around six months ago. We’ve been mostly no contact since then.
The breakup happened because he said he felt overwhelmed. He had come out of a long-term toxic relationship only a few months before we met, and he told me he needed to be alone and work through some internal stuff by himself. He never really explained much beyond that.
What makes it harder is that I genuinely didn’t see it coming. I noticed he had become more distant, but I never imagined he would end the relationship. The breakup itself felt very ambiguous too — he cried while ending things, and to this day I don’t know if that was guilt, sadness, or because he still had feelings for me. I just let him go and told him I wanted him to be happy, with or without me.
I’m still really hurt by it. I think the whole thing opened up deeper wounds in me that I didn’t fully realize I had.
I’m also gay, and before him I had never had any romantic or sexual experience at all. I don’t meet many gay people in my daily life, so before this relationship I had kind of accepted the idea that I might end up alone. But being with him changed that. It made me realize I actually do want a relationship and emotional connection.
The problem is that I still miss him a lot. At the same time, I’m also deeply disappointed in him, and maybe even resentful sometimes to the point of not wanting to even met them in the street ever again. Part of me thinks he has probably moved on already, while another part of me still feels emotionally stuck waiting, even though I don’t want to be.
What scares me is feeling like I’ll never fully move on unless I somehow force myself to. I’m naturally nostalgic, anxious, and prone to overthinking, which feels like the worst possible combination for getting over someone.
I’m in therapy and I understand my patterns much better now, but understanding them doesn’t automatically make it easier to stop thinking about him or let go emotionally. This whole experience has been a lot harder than I expected.
Just wondering if anyone has passed thought the same or has any advice.