u/Emergency_Scholar416

From since my birth there's nothing im good at, ive quite literally done every hobby to exist and im not even exaggerating like ive done drawing,, painting, sport, knitting, crotcheting and much fucking more bro. my parents dislike me, my siblings and friends exclude me i genuinely have no reason to live because im good at nothing. the only reason i still exist is because i feel like i'd become even worse of a person or called selfish for commiting suicide but its been like 8 years since ive been fantasizing aabout suicide/ having depression. Even worser part is that im not even a good person im a bad sister, bad friend, bad daughter. The only thing im slightly good at is schoo but fucking ofcourse i have no motivation to study whatsoever like i cant see myself living for much longer ive lost the motivation long ago its like im a breathing corpse dragging my body around this corrupt earth please someone save me. Back to the bad person part theres stuff ive did and said thats genuinely not forgivable and i keep getting nightmares and etc i think about it every single time i breath, its to the point i always run away of situations from the past that are too alike. i kind of suspect i have ptsd? maybe im exaggerating but ive talked to someone thats like educated in that field and they kinda told me i have the symptoms but im too much of a coward to even get diagnosed. Anyways no matter how much i try to find my purpose or to better i fucking fail like the idiot i am. i have like 3 online friends i genuinely care about and they care too but they dont rememeber anything about me, if i asked them anything they wouldnt know and i talk a lot so its genuinely embarassing to know no one cares but whatever