u/Emergency_Degree5355

Im 15 and ive always hated myself, from bullies, feeling like a failure, failing at love. I started talking to a girl a couple days ago, shes the first girl ive loved, we have a date set up, it would be my first date. But recently she keeps leaving me on delivered and when she responds shes really dry. I keep falling back into my old ways, overthinking, finding anything to distract myself, last night I drank an entire bottle of white wine and yet I still didnt feel anything. I dont know what to do anymore, I just feel hollow, I dont really feel mad, happy or sad. Just empty